I had a splinter in my finger for 3 days.

Sooooo...

this post has nothing too interesting in it. I am going through a really rough patch in life. there isn't much pep in my step, so to speak, and not much going on in my brain. I have literally sat here today and just felt so BLAH.

I have been feeling pretty down about a few things. Some of which aren't mine to share, so, obviously I won't. But, it is SO HARD going through stuff with someone else or trying to process the hardships of others. I wish I could fix the world's problems, but I just can't figure out how on my own.. so so grateful for Jesus.

I, did, however apply for my masters. I have been fairly hesitant on divulging that on the interwebs, but, listen, this place is for me, so I need to share it. I applied! WOO! haha now, to wait for the transcripts to be delivered, the 3 recommendations to get in and for a faculty review. If I get the 'okay' from that review, then I am selected to participate in a group interview where I will interview (obvs) and do a writing sample right then and there.. from THERRRRE I will find out if I get accepted in the program or not. so, FUN STUFF GUYS. say a little prayer for me, will ya?

So, all of this going on and NOT going on, I just have nothing much to say lately. I have nothing good and exciting to report. We have some mice in our old old house/apartment, so, there ya go.. MORE FUN STUFF! 

I guess I am just feeling so blah.. that's the only way to describe it. 

Oh, also? I went on a retreat this weekend that kicked my butt. I hope to share about it soon.. but, perhaps that's why I feel this way? Maybe I am just tired.. oh, and I really did have a splinter in my finger for 3 days.. just got it out this morning. so, yeah, there IS something good going on! haha

SO! I found some cute/funny/inspiring stuff on pinterest and wanted to share:

Source: iobad.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Source: awelltraveledwoman.tumblr.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Source: themetapicture.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Source: simplygoodstuff.tumblr.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Source: media-cache6.pinterest.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Source: thatcutesite.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Source: 25.media.tumblr.com via Joanna on Pinterest

I hope and pray I get out of this funk soon. I hope things start panning out how I thought they would. Also, I hope the sun would come out a little more, or that I can embrace the cold more, because, I really think it will be a nasty winter this year... we shall see.

later days!

five thanks on thursday: november

Since November is the month of thanksgiving, I am going to continue on with my five thanks on thursday... here goes:


1) I am thankful for family. my family has had its string of tragedies, especially lately... and I just don't know what to do. some days I am so sick of them I could scream, leave and never come back. other days, I can't get enough of them, I can't pray for them enough or encourage them enough. today I am just super thankful for family as I am reminded of those who are without families. without support from BLOOD. without the love and grace given to them. there are children all over the world who have to grow up without their own flesh and blood... I feel for them. as sucky as family is, it really is true that you can't live without them.

2) I am thankful for friends. today I have been blessed by encouragement from friends I rarely get to talk to and some of my best friends. I am grateful that I am in a position at work where I have people come by (rarely, but they do!) and talk about life. I am grateful that one of my very best friends in the entire world works where I work and we can go to lunch together and just talk about our struggles and encourage each other. I am just so blessed. There was a time I never ever thought I would have friends or had friends.. and when I look back on those times, I can't help but fall back into that thought.. it's times like today where I am reminded I am not alone

3) this is going to sound stupid but.. I am thankful that I have access to the internet. Today I took it for granted for a short time and everything went wrong. I am just glad I have a way to connect with people through that avenue.

4) I am thankful that I am one step closer to making my dreams come true in regard to school. I have finished a big part of my application that just kept bringing me down.. I am waiting to re-read it and hopefully submit it tomorrow... I am so grateful and keep praying the God's hope is for me to do it too, which I really feel it is or else I wouldn't pursue it

5) I am grateful for my husband and his life. My aunt's fiance was stabbed last night as he was trying to protect a girl who was being chased by a thief.. this man saved her life. My aunt is in utter shock and hurt and so many feelings I cannot even describe. This just makes me look at my own life and the things I have and be so SO SO THANKFUL for them even MORE because it just shows how precious life is. Just hours before that he was talking to her... it's crazy to think that life is so short. I am thankful for my husband who loves me despite my horrible, terrible flaws and sins. I am thankful that he laughs at me even when I am probably not very funny. I am thankful that he is ALIVE and WELL and LOVES ME. I am just SO THANKFUL. I take him for granted almost daily... and I am trying to work on that. It's easy when you see that person all the time... but, don't forget, life is very short, even if we live to be 100.


What are you thankful for? :)

stagnant

Source: modernhepburn.tumblr.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Somewhere along the lines of this life I have I lost it. I lost that love... that deep deep unending desire for Him. Don't get me wrong.. it's there. It burns in me deeply.. but mostly I suppress it with feelings of worry or anxiety, doubt, pressure to be one way, fear, thoughts, seeking perfection.. the list could go on and on.

Why do I do that? Why do WE do that? I feel like I am not alone in this. This truly is a fight.. a daily battle if you will. If you are a believer in Jesus Christ you are in this fight too... if you don't realize it yet, then you will experience it.. trust me. But, if we fight through it, if we let our thoughts and lips and hearts and lives praise HIM, it's SO SO worth it.

Years ago I dreamed of what my life would like like later on down the road. I had hoped to move from Ohio to somewhere out west.. I also dreamed of moving to the east coast, North Carolina to be more exact. I dreamed of serving God, being married, having the time of my life. But, really, those dreams just included a lot of me me me me, and not a whole lot of GOD.

I also had dreams to serve Him with an unwavering faith. I had dreams of traveling across the world, wherever He would lead me to serve those people and show them Him.

I had dreams that I would minister within a church through some sort of ministry, mainly focused on broken families dealing with addictions, etc. I dreamed I would make a difference.

But, my life seems so much different than those dreams. The only thing that has come true is that I am married to the man my heart has longed for.. and for that, I am eternally grateful.

.... there was a time when I didn't even have THAT dream. I told God I would never date again. I told Him I was done with guys, with wasting my time with these 'men' who would only lie and lead me down a path of more uncertainty...

so look, sometimes I am glad my dreams don't come true.. :)

BUT, I really had hoped I would be knee deep in serving Him by now. I don't really know where this is headed.. I just know, I really need to get back on track. I need my heart to be solely centered on Christ. I need to be reminded of His sacrifice. Of His love. Of His GRACE.

OH, His GRACE! Oh, how I am needing it these days. and how I am needing to GIVE it these days. I am grateful for that unending grace and mercy....

so, here's to that. Here's to knowing the Love that is grater that LIFE because HE IS LIFE.