those days.. a rambling of sorts.

you know those days? Those days.

Ugh, they are the worst.
I feel like I have been having "one of those days" for a few weeks.
I can't pinpoint what causes this, or what I can do to help it... I just know...
I am having them.

Last week was a string of  "those days". Each day had something worse than the day before it. Or it just sort of piled on top of it and just made for a worse day each day. Either way, it was a little miserable. I didn't have to go through any deaths or anything horrific, per say. It was just one thing after another.

This Monday was the build-up of that entire week. It was one of those days where you go to type and do some work and each letter you type is the wrong letter, and when you go back to try to fix it, you almost keep typing the same letter as before until you begin banging on each individual key on the keyboard as you type before you think about throwing your computer against the wall in your office and quit.

Monday was horrible. No doubt about it.

Yesterday wasn't too bad, but it wasn't too good either. I did enjoy time with a friend and that made yesterday turn out okay.

Today hasn't been particularly bad. But it hasn't been particularly great either.
It's pouring outside. I am blessed to be inside, in shelter, away from the blistering cold of the rain drops that are pouring themselves all over the place.
I have my heater on under my desk and I am content with that.

But then... then something comes in and tries to steal that "contentment" (if you can even call it that). Whether it's work piling up, or having an error you made out of ignorance in the issue sort of blow up in your face and leaving you feeling completely underqualified and as if you SHOULD just up and quit and leave and never come back.

That's where I'm at right now. I have decided to take a short break, and that is nice. But, I need to go out into the world. I need to take my dog out in that pouring rain. I need to move and be and DO. But, I don't want to.

I simply want to go home. I want to sit at home in the comfort of my sweatpants and my husband's sweatshirt I wear every day after work. I want to just sit and BE. But.. I can't. 


and that? That sort of sucks.

But, I will try to remember: I am blessed. I have a job. I have a car. I have friends. I have a husband. I have a home. Maybe all of these things (other than my husband! haha) aren't exactly what I want.. but they are something that many don't have and would die for.

so, yes. I have been having those days piled upon more of those days.. but I am blessed.

Trying to soak that in.

HOME

                                                                                              Source: brightnest.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Well, SURPRISE!!

Aaron and I didn't get either house we had an offer on.

See, both were "short sales". I didn't know they were going into putting a offer on either of them, but alas.... they both were. Basically, I don't understand all of the details but, I know it takes FOREVER. We put in an offer on the first house and it took a month and a half to hear back from the bank (which owned the house). ugh. And the second house didn't take as long, but roughly 3 weeks to a month.

The suckiest part of it all is... I think deep down, I really thought ONE of them had to work out. I mean, come on. The odds had to be in our favor, right? How many houses have we put an offer in on and another buying outbid us, or an owner was a grotchety grouch and wouldn't go below asking price? WE HAD TO GET ONE OF THEM.

But, here I sit, telling you... we didn't get either of them.

I was pretty upset at first. I went to my realtor.com app on my phone and looked at house (like I do all day every day....) and I saw BOTH houses weren't considered "active" anymore. So... I got really anxious and sweaty and upset. Then, I had an AMAZING night's rest. It was the strangest thing.

Aaron talked to our realtor the next afternoon and I tried to prepare my heart and acknowledge God's blessing for us in allowing us to live at our current apartment for as long as we wanted for our dirt cheap price of rent... but, it didn't work. I was angry.

Then, Aaron told me our realtor didn't even KNOW someone else got the bid. That makes no sense to me... So I became angrier by the minute. I was angry at the other realtors who never told our realtor that we didn't get the bid. I was angry at myself for allowing my hopes to get up for the billionth time. I was angry at both of us that we didn't just pull our offers out in the first place to avoid the angst we now felt.

AND THEN... there are these other houses around here that are cute charmers and have great potential, so I stalk them like a crazy person for the last 3 days. Driving by them, looking at them endlessly on my app.. and then. I just felt like I needed to stop. I had to sit there and assess the situation. I HAD to talk to Aaron about it.

So, we came to a decision.... God provides for us ALWAYS. He is Jehovah Jireh. He gave a chance to live in our current apartment for longer. Whereas it isn't ideal... it's something. And, seriously... it means I can have HUGE, REAL Christmas trees at Christmas still. And, maybe walking up those stairs day in and day out will give me some much needed exercise for a little longer.

Also? I am totally going to be painting more in that place. Maybe that will help :)

Happy Friday!

as it is

                                                                                           Source: tunewiki.com via Joanna on Pinterest

**above: Aaron and I got to go to this lovely church on Sunday instead of the usual church the in-laws go to. I LOVED IT! I craved the worship there like nothing other. It was amazing. They song the song above. AH! So good!!


 

Got this lovely idea from Miss Julie over at An Anchor for The Soul. 

 
Enjoying: THE WEATHER :) It has been so lovely seeing the SUN out. Thing I have not been enjoying? I am sick.. have been since Friday (when I had a DAY off!!!) 


Praying about: Hmm.. prayer. I have been praying a LOT about a LOT of things. Things for my closest friends, to our house situation, to my family and things of that sort. I have also REALLY been praying for God to transform my perspective and be with me all day long at work, guiding every step.


Snacking on: at this moment? A Sunbelt Bakery Oats & Honey granola bar, and coffee :) 

 
Debating: I have been debating whether I should pack a lot more, or if I should just leave it until we HAVE to move. It's hard to decide when you don't even know where you will be going. 


Reading: For months I have been reading Ellen's book, "Seriously... I'm kidding". I wish I had more time to read, or rather, that I made more time to read. I have also been debating weather I should start "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers again. OH SUCH A GREAT BOOK!
 
Grateful for: I am so grateful for a job! At first it was hard adjusting to a new job: all the newness of new coworkers, new responsibility, new people to work for... all of it. And I wasn't being too grateful the whole time while making the adjustment. But, as I sit here, I am beyond grateful for a job. In this day and age (at least around here) it's a great thing if you have a job! I am also grateful to God for all the help He has been giving me these past few months. 
 
Thinking about: what it would be like to move to our OWN place :) AH! It would be bliss. Well... I know it would be tough at times, but it would be OURS. 
 
Listening to: you guyssssss. I love me some JT. So, today I turned on my Justin Timberlake station on Pandora. So, technically, what I have been listening to is PANDORA. All day, every day. Gets me through my worrrrrk. I have also been listening to a good dose of "positive self-talk" in my head. Yeah, it's been good. 


Watching: uh, what DON'T I watch? Oh yeah, Duck Dynasty. I have been watching: Grey's Anatomy on Netflix, The Walking Dead, Revenge (LURRVEEEE!!), I tried watching Catfish on MTV the other day because Michelle always raves about it on her bloggy blog. Well, I turned it on, and I sat there, watching.. thinking.. "This seems an AWFUL lot like The Real World."... I tweeted Michelle and lo and behold.. MTV had LIED to me. It was indeed THE REAL WORLD in San Diego or something. So, next time, Catfish, next time. 
 

Feeling: I have been feeling pretty run down. Also? Sad. But also, also... I have been feeling like I want to go on vacation, or SOMETHING. I NEED THE SUN, PEOPLE. I need the beach, I need the relaxed lifestyle for a week. I NEED IT. 



How about you?? :)  


 

wide-eyed emoji.

Source: someecards.com via Joanna on Pinterest

well, well, well... LIFE. *huge sigh*

Life is.. insane. Especially right now. I can't even begin to get into all of the intricacies that have been creating this uneasiness about life.. but, boy oh BOY, life can just calm the heck down anytime now, mmkay??

1. Our landlord passed away at the beginning of January. It was so very sad. He passed away very peacefully, but still.. so very sad. We would walk by his florida room and usually look in expecting to see him for WEEKS. Even this evening I walked by and looked in and.... alas, Mr. Will is no longer there, joanna.  So. VERY. SAD. So.. this leads us to.....

2. We need to find somewhere to live. Ideally, a HOME of our VERY OWN. That's right people. We are still looking for the house we will buy. We have put offers on houses, and they have all fallen through for some reason. Mind you, we have been doing this since November 2011. 2 0 1 1 P E O P L E. so.. with that sad, this is just getting old. way old. I know, I KNOW.. I need to have patience, I need to trust God. Well, guess what? I need to do a lot of things, and if you know me, I am stubborn as all get out and.. well, that just doesn't happen. Which is horrible because I once heard this, "patience isn't about waiting, it's about what do you while you are waiting" or something like that. I am not too good at doing things like: trusting, being calm, being rational, etc. when I am waiting... so that sucks. Okay, back to the point... We are working on trying to get a house currently. Praying and praying and hoping and pinning away on pinterest and trying our hardest to NOT get our hopes up... but there they are, staring us straight in our faces all day long. our stupid hopes. so.. there's that.

3. I started a new job on the 11th. It has been quite the adjustment. I am grateful for this opportunity and the chance to learn new things is always exciting to me. But, with many things going on in my family and personally, it has been a rough adjustment. I miss my old boss and co-workers. I somehow MISS PAYING BILLS as a job. (what?!) I just miss the relationships I built there and the truth is, I was pretty darn great at that job! It's hard to leave that for a job that I literally feel like I am just pretending to know what I am doing all day long. Trusting God is hard, especially when you are me... or A HUMAN. All of this to say, I have learned that I do not like change. I thought I did. I thought I was spontaneous and adventurous. And, to an extent, I am... I really am. But, I love consistency for the most part. I love when plans come together and I adore follow-through. I love it. So, this has been the biggest adjustment of them all! But, regardless of that.. I am seeing God's purpose for this season of change. I have had the blessing of being able to bless other people through prayer and in helping them. It has been great in that regard! So, hopefully one day I will learn the job better, and be confident!

4. Back to #2... our apartment consistently seems to be in disarray. From boxes I have been hoarding from my previous job and a friend who recently moved, to the fact that I have all these decorations and such, but, why even bother putting it up since we need to be out by.. oh, APRIL!!!  so.. that's hard.

5. WE FINALLY GOT NEW PHONES AND THAT IS A BIG FREAKING DEAL. iPhones, y'all. I am in love! (if this were the iPhone I would do the emoji with the hearts as eyes ;) ) 

I promise I am not complaining, I promise I am not! Merely letting it all out on my little place here in the internetz. Oh, and let's give a shout out to all the cute little ladies I know who have had babies! Seriously, I think 5 within a month had a baby, and a few more having babies in the next coming months. BABY FEVER, PEOPLE. it's real.

Oh, back to the point of this, but seriously... I would love to get paid to eat and sleep all day. Wouldn't you?? :)

good enough

on Mondays I help out with Fellowship of Christian Athletes in my hometown. When I was in high school, I was actively involved in this club. As I have gone through college, it has slowly dwindled down and there aren't as many godly influences in that school. So, I really felt compelled to become an adult leader for this group.

this past Monday I was to speak, but I felt God leading me a different direction than what I felt I should go the week before.

I spoke to the girls (mainly all girls go, which is sad, because.. WHERE ARE ALL THE GODLY GUYS!) about God's love and how MUCH He loves us. I highlighted several verses. Of these verses as Romans 5. I love this chapter.

The video above was posted by another adult leader this morning to go along with what I spoke about and it really shook my core. Just the encouragement I needed this morning...

I have had a rough month or so. Just feeling down about some things and transitioning into other things.. God has been good through it all. Something I need to keep reminding myself is HE IS SOVEREIGN. no matter what is going on HE IS SOVEREIGN. Somehow, someway, that makes it all seem better.. even for a moment.

I hope you find encouragement through this video.

I also hope to be able to post more of my thoughts in the future. I have just been really battling some things mentally and needing to process, and sometimes, blabbing that all over the internet isn't good for anyone. So, alas, I have been silent on this part of the internet I hold.

battling not feeling good enough or that you have made a mistake, no matter how big or small it is, is tough. But He is so so good and loves us NO MATTER WHAT. We are justified. We MUST accept that, or nothing in this life will last and matter to us because we won't think we are worth it, but God screams over and over YOU ARE WORTH IT. You are SO worth it to me.

I love that.

{so be it}

feeling stressed... stress brings a lot upon my body: body aches, muscle pains, migraines, feeling like vomiting at all moments... THE FUN STUFF.

here is some encouragement to give me when I feel I don't have any more to give:

Habakkuk 3:17-19 -- Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls,  yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. GOD, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer’s; he makes me tread on my high places.
 

James 1:2-4 -- Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

Jeremiah 17:7,8 -- “Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose trust is the LORD. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.”

 

Matthew 11:28-30 -- Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Psalms 103:1-5 -- Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

Psalms 55:22 -- Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.

 

 

1 Peter 5:7   -- Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

 

 

and lastly, my favorite on this:

 

 

Philippians 4:6-7    Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I had a splinter in my finger for 3 days.

Sooooo...

this post has nothing too interesting in it. I am going through a really rough patch in life. there isn't much pep in my step, so to speak, and not much going on in my brain. I have literally sat here today and just felt so BLAH.

I have been feeling pretty down about a few things. Some of which aren't mine to share, so, obviously I won't. But, it is SO HARD going through stuff with someone else or trying to process the hardships of others. I wish I could fix the world's problems, but I just can't figure out how on my own.. so so grateful for Jesus.

I, did, however apply for my masters. I have been fairly hesitant on divulging that on the interwebs, but, listen, this place is for me, so I need to share it. I applied! WOO! haha now, to wait for the transcripts to be delivered, the 3 recommendations to get in and for a faculty review. If I get the 'okay' from that review, then I am selected to participate in a group interview where I will interview (obvs) and do a writing sample right then and there.. from THERRRRE I will find out if I get accepted in the program or not. so, FUN STUFF GUYS. say a little prayer for me, will ya?

So, all of this going on and NOT going on, I just have nothing much to say lately. I have nothing good and exciting to report. We have some mice in our old old house/apartment, so, there ya go.. MORE FUN STUFF! 

I guess I am just feeling so blah.. that's the only way to describe it. 

Oh, also? I went on a retreat this weekend that kicked my butt. I hope to share about it soon.. but, perhaps that's why I feel this way? Maybe I am just tired.. oh, and I really did have a splinter in my finger for 3 days.. just got it out this morning. so, yeah, there IS something good going on! haha

SO! I found some cute/funny/inspiring stuff on pinterest and wanted to share:

Source: iobad.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Source: awelltraveledwoman.tumblr.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Source: themetapicture.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Source: simplygoodstuff.tumblr.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Source: media-cache6.pinterest.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Source: thatcutesite.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Source: 25.media.tumblr.com via Joanna on Pinterest

I hope and pray I get out of this funk soon. I hope things start panning out how I thought they would. Also, I hope the sun would come out a little more, or that I can embrace the cold more, because, I really think it will be a nasty winter this year... we shall see.

later days!

looking upon others will never feed our lives

Source: positive-inking.tumblr.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Seasons of life are ever changing.
And sometimes? Well, sometimes they can't change fast enough.

I struggle with a deep seeding thing called, ENVY. It's rough, you guys. Sometimes things are gooooood. I am content. I love life. I love my things. I am happy.

Other times? Well... other times, envy rears her head out and screams, "WHY CAN'T I HAVE THIS" "WHY CAN'T I DO THAT"... woe is me.

Sometimes I look around and find myself struggling. I find myself wondering what God had planned to put me in this exact moment... this exact spot. I struggle trying to figure things out.

Those times are also times I try to do things all on my own. I look around and think that IIIIIIIII can get myself there. IIIIIIII can figure these things out.

Well, yeah, I CAN. but, it probably won't come easy.

Those are the times I need to give it to God. Why do we act like that's a 'last resort'? "Well, I guess I will just haaaveee to pray about ittttttt."  That should never be a last resort. It should be the first thing we do.

My head often gets clouded with others. Their thoughts, opinions, lives, etc. I see someone else doing things I should/want to do and envy comes. I ask for advice in so many areas and my head/thoughts get clouded.

Don't get me wrong, it's awesome to seek out our friends and family for advice. In fact, I recommend it. But I also think sometimes we need to seek HIM before anything else. We need to get our minds right by talking to God before we talk to others. After all, He really knows best.

I remember a long time ago (like 6 years ago) hearing the idea that we can't look at someone else's faith journey and think, "how did THEY get there?" "What books did THEY read that helped them?" "That scripture worked to spur them on, I should use it too"

These things are meaningful and purposeful in THAT person's life. We can only focus on our own lives. Our own NOW. Our own journey. Often times we are just beginning and they have already started the race. Or vice versa. We should never assume those things will work for us.

We should challenge ourselves to not look to the blessings of others and compare them to our lives. People always think the grass is greener on the other side... but often times, it's because that person has been watering their side. They have been through struggles, and they are now at a point (a season) where they are accepting of their life or have moved on with God's help.

Life is just one big mystery.

this wasn't supposed to be this sort of post!

 

good morning :)

Today my lovely husband gets to sleep in and not work ALL DAY, while I am stuck at work. NO FUN. Too bad my work doesn't celebrate Columbus Day. 

Anywaaaayyyyy...

This weekend was a busy one for us. Actually, all of last week was as well. Time is going by faster and faster. There are not enough minutes in the day. It's starting to take it's toll.

Aaron has started his masters about a month ago in Business and it's surely keeping him very busy on top of being a youth pastor and working full-time at a bank. Poor guy...

I, on the other hand, am working full-time at my job, helping out with Fellowship of Christian Athletes, helping Aaron with youth group and trying to do everything else in between. 

Life is way too busy. 

On top of all of that we have various church/youth events, family things, and try to spend time together. MEANINGFUL time together.

It gets pretty hard. It also doesn't help that I love sleep entirely too much probably so often times I am dead asleep way before Aaron some nights. We also love our tv shows. From "Bones" to "How I Met Your Mother" and everything in between... we love it. We usually do that together because our brains seem too fried to do anything else. And with the changing seasons, I get extra cold and my ears get affected so we REALLY don't want to go outside more than we have to. 

It's life.

It may seem really lame or stupid to you that we do that so much together, but I must say... I agree with you. 

The Bible never really delves into what marriage should look like other than a husband must value his wife like Christ valued the church (that He would die for the church). and the wife must submit to the husband as the church submits to Christ. 

But, then what?

What does it even mean to have a "Godly relationship"? What does studying the Bible together look like? What if one person can't pay attention to the other when that person is reading thus rendering your Bible studying time together meaningless? How is a man to lead his family? What if he wasn't shown how to as a youth? How is a woman supposed to support her husband Biblically when she is really strong headed? How are they to get everything done in a day (i.e. laundry, dishes, dinner, together time, etc.)?

How? 

This isn't really the way this post was supposed to go, but I am going to go with it. Perhaps you all have some insight into this for us? 

Don't get me wrong, our marriage is great. Aaron is my ultimate best friend, my sweetheart, I adore him. And I KNOW beyond anything that he feels the same for me. 

I am basically coming at this from a non-christian unbringing and Aaron coming from a Christian home but not really being taught HOW to lead. It's not shameful to say it's an area where we struggle together as I am sure a lot of newly married (and even longer married) couples face. I am willing to admit where we fall short and where we need Christ to intervene. 

In the Lord's eyes, we are still babies to him. We have so much more to learn. Sometimes I am grateful for that but I also get upset not being able to have these answers for myself. Seasons come and seasons go... and so it is with our relationships with Christ. But, we long for so much more. 

May we never lose sight of that. 

:)

stagnant

Source: modernhepburn.tumblr.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Somewhere along the lines of this life I have I lost it. I lost that love... that deep deep unending desire for Him. Don't get me wrong.. it's there. It burns in me deeply.. but mostly I suppress it with feelings of worry or anxiety, doubt, pressure to be one way, fear, thoughts, seeking perfection.. the list could go on and on.

Why do I do that? Why do WE do that? I feel like I am not alone in this. This truly is a fight.. a daily battle if you will. If you are a believer in Jesus Christ you are in this fight too... if you don't realize it yet, then you will experience it.. trust me. But, if we fight through it, if we let our thoughts and lips and hearts and lives praise HIM, it's SO SO worth it.

Years ago I dreamed of what my life would like like later on down the road. I had hoped to move from Ohio to somewhere out west.. I also dreamed of moving to the east coast, North Carolina to be more exact. I dreamed of serving God, being married, having the time of my life. But, really, those dreams just included a lot of me me me me, and not a whole lot of GOD.

I also had dreams to serve Him with an unwavering faith. I had dreams of traveling across the world, wherever He would lead me to serve those people and show them Him.

I had dreams that I would minister within a church through some sort of ministry, mainly focused on broken families dealing with addictions, etc. I dreamed I would make a difference.

But, my life seems so much different than those dreams. The only thing that has come true is that I am married to the man my heart has longed for.. and for that, I am eternally grateful.

.... there was a time when I didn't even have THAT dream. I told God I would never date again. I told Him I was done with guys, with wasting my time with these 'men' who would only lie and lead me down a path of more uncertainty...

so look, sometimes I am glad my dreams don't come true.. :)

BUT, I really had hoped I would be knee deep in serving Him by now. I don't really know where this is headed.. I just know, I really need to get back on track. I need my heart to be solely centered on Christ. I need to be reminded of His sacrifice. Of His love. Of His GRACE.

OH, His GRACE! Oh, how I am needing it these days. and how I am needing to GIVE it these days. I am grateful for that unending grace and mercy....

so, here's to that. Here's to knowing the Love that is grater that LIFE because HE IS LIFE.

Five Thanks on Thursday

Source: bitsotruth.blogspot.ca via Joanna on Pinterest

Happy THURSDAY! :) We have almost arrived, people!

Ok, so, a LOT of good things going on in my life and heart lately, besides all the blubbering I have been doing on this here part of the internetz. and... I am going to share it with you guys. That quote up above really hit me on the head and reminded me that I truly need to be more grateful for things and express them as well. so, here we go!

1) I am SO thankful for my sweet sweet husband. guys, he is made of GOLD. I cannot express to you the amount of times I have literally mental breakdowns and he is there, helping me during and after the mess of it all. He supports me in literally everything I do and want to do. For instance, I mentioned staying home and being a stay-at-home dog mom and he was all for it. See,  G O L D E N! Last weekend we watched 3 of our niece and nephews. They were a lot of work for me to handle in my mind because I am just not used to kids and kids sort of just overwhelm me sometimes... Aaron was amazing through the entire weekend, and even allowed me some time to just stay at home. Yeah, sure I cleaned, but still.... I LOVED IT. I could go on... but I will save that for another day :)

2) I am thankful for this job I have. Yes, it isn't my dream job by any means, but honestly, my boss is great and I get to work in a Christian environment. It's really awesome. And, it has taught me a lot about myself.

3) I am thankful for the Lord. I am thankful for the work He does in my heart. My heart sucks. I just am really bitter and hateful sometimes. I am pretty selfish and greedy (maybe those go hand in hand?), and I am sometimes very rude and very boastful in a certain setting. The Lord is truly accepting of me at this stage in my life... and He is working with me to help me get from this place to better things. I wish I thanked Him more...

4) I am thankful for friends. Sometimes I feel like I am not a good friend, so it is amazing that I even have friends (read #3 to see why!). I am just grateful for those friends who have stuck through life with me. Even if they are far and few between, they are my friends, my very best friends, and I love them all :)

5) I am thankful for our apartment. We seriously are living in a steal. It has character, lovely wood floors, and it v e r y cheap! I need to be more thankful for it, so here it is. Aaron and I have been house-hunting since probably November 2011, and.... nothing. Any time we are trying to put in an offer or something, someone else has put in an offer or something else happens... We feel as though God is just not ready for us to buy a house. We are trying to PATIENTLY and OBEDIENTLY accept that... but, it sucks sometimes. Instantly when the most recent house-fail happened I couldn't help but think, if God cannot trust us with the small things (keeping our little apartment cleaned and lovely and making it a home...) then WHY oh WHY would he trust us with the big things. So, here we are. We are so grateful we have a place to live. We are learning to appreciate our 'home' and all that it is.

So, there we are! What are YOU thankful for? :)

Being a Helpful Lady

heyyyyyyyyy!

So, today I am thinking a lot about the future. As well as thinking a lot about contentment and desiring God's Will for my life.

For as long as I can remember when someone asked me what I wanted to do when I got older I just knew one thing: I wanted to help people. I always love helping people in many different ways. Particularly I LOVE hearing about people's lives, their struggles, their passions and their dreams and achieving those dreams. I just LOVE IT! (okay, I get it.. I sound creepy.. oh well!)

I love going to other countries and serving the people there. I am a firm believer in showing people Christ and then telling them about Him. It is my firm belief that actions speak louder than words, and I like to live my life like that. So, my preferred way to evangelize (which basically means to tell people about Jesus Christ and God, etc.) is to show them Him by serving them, loving them, encouraging them, being there for them.  I have been to Mexico, the Bahamas, Grenada, Haiti and the Dominican Republic on mission trips. Each time we did serious work. Yes, we had some fun thrown in there, but work was the name of the game. I loved it. I love working so hard and still having to muster up enough energy to do "Cinderella dressed in yella" on the jump rope for 3 ours. I love not caring what we look like as we work. I love seeing these people light up when you do something for them and them asking "why" you did it. LOVE. IT.

I also am weirdly fascinated with discussing careers with people. Like, I love knowing what people want to achieve with their life, what job they truly want to do, etc. I also really like high school to college age people. Well, anyone is GREAT, but I am just more "interested" (not sure if that's the right term... hmm) in those ages. When I was in college and went to Univ. of Toledo I led a bible study for a bunch of gals involved in Campus Crusade for Christ. I absolutely loved it. My best friend from Toledo and I headed it up and really wanted to develop amazing relationships with these girls, and boy did we! I love it. It will always be one of my fondest moments of my life. Along with this, was discussing life with these girls. I loved learning about them and from them. When I transferred schools, it was a bit different, a little harder to make friends like that, but I definitely did. A topic of discussion with most any of my friends usually includes life and our futures. I even love helping strategize with them how to make their dreams happen, etc.

I really like the idea of working in a school one day. The scheduling of classes and encouraging kids to go to college... i love it all. (I am so weird.)  But, I also want to be able to make a difference in their learning experience. I think working in School Social Work would be great because I would be able to assist in breaking down the barriers for students to learn...

I think it would be great to work at a homeless shelter. In college, I did my practicum at a women's shelter. I liked it, but I also learned ways not to run something. It was a good experience all in all... I loved the experience because I really felt like it was something I could do (at the right center/shelter) and I would feel like I was a making a difference. Along with that, even working for a non-profit organization that maybe travels to disaster areas would be a great job. I think I would like to assist in helping them rebuild, or helping them in a way of counseling, just someone for them to talk to.

Another time when I was in college I went to a church my roommate went to. Her mom actually invited me. It was a sort of "recovery group" that the church offered. A place for them to connect with others going through their similar situations and to connect to Christ as well. My friend's mom asked me to speak at one of the meetings. I had a rough upbringing when I was younger filled with drugs and alcohol and abuse in my life, so it seemed like something I really wanted to express to them: how a child felt in the midst of all of that. I loved being able to speak to them and it helped me a lot as well. I loved being able to connect with them...


at the end of the day, I just want to make a difference. I want to come alive. I want others to come alive from talking with me or from me helping them. And most importantly, I want to show them Christ. 

In my current job, I don't feel like I have much of a chance to do that stuff. I am wildly blessed to have this job, but it just kills me to know that this passion is deep down inside me and all I really do is do things for people and pay bills, etc. Maybe that sounds like help, but it really doesn't feel like it sometimes. I crave the idea of going on in the community and assisting people.


I think I just wrote that all out as a way to say, "hey, if any of you know of a great career, or degree I could do that would allow me to do that stuff, let me know!", or to be able to just hash it out in writing. I have so many interests, but they all come down to one thing: I want to help people. I have a personality that requires me to feel like I am impacting someone's life or I feel as though I have no real worth, or meaning. And I fully believe that the Lord also gifted me with this, a heart and a love for people at an early age.

Seeking God's Will and being content are pretty hard, and I am truly trying to do it. But, trust me when I say.... I don't think I can do it without Him.

FRIDAY'S LETTERS

i love me some hot chocolate :)

Dear Friday, we meet again. You are so lovely and I adore you. I hope you are good to me and fly on by! I need a nice, calm relaxing day!

Dear cold-I-think-I-am-getting, please go away. If I knew I had the whole weekend to lounge around I would maybe welcome you slightly as I wouldn't have much to do. But, as you see, the mister and I have lots to do this week, and I don't have time to be messing around with you. 

Dear hot chocolate, mmmmm! I will miss summer (sort of), but I will gladly welcome you with open arms when the school year starts around these parts and the coffee shop will be open so us staffers (and students :/) can get our fill!!

Dear niece and nephews, we are SO exciting to spend time with you this weekend! I hope you enjoy your time with us (and that we don't like, kill you or anything..). We love you!

Dear work, as I discussed with Friday, I hope you fly on by. We have some kiddos to get to and we don't need you dragging on... Thank you :)

Dear disappointments, I wish you didn't come so often these days. But, I am trying to learn to be grateful for you and to realize that without you, I wouldn't look at my life and be thankful for what I have nearly as much.

Dear God, thank you for being so so patient with me. 

Dear link-up, how is it 8:40am and already 103 people have entered you? Do people sleep?! You guys are quick!!!

=====================================================================

annndddd that's all for my letters. Short and sweet! I had hoped to put some things I was drooling over on pinterest and some pictures from this week, but.... this dang cold or whatever is holding me hostage. 

Now, go on over and do your own letters at Ashley's link-up by clicking below!!

Happy Friday :)

disappointments are the PITS

It really stinks when you want something so bad and then it doesn't happen. 

It really stinks when you get disappointed that it DOESN'T happen. 

I guess God has other plans for us that we do, and that's ok, but sometimes.. I am not ok with it. Sometimes I want to whine like a baby and throw a tantrum and be ticked off for, oh, A YEAR. 

But other times, I need to realize that this life ISN'T about me. It isn't about you, it isn't about stuff or degrees or jobs or anything like that. It's about Him. It's about pleasing Him, showing others His love through our lives and about knowing Him personally.

So, I guess it is ok when things don't work out. It just gives us more time to work on seeking His presence over his presents and to really relish our moments with Him. 

I hope that through life's disappointments I will realize that He is the One I should've been seeking all along..... all the extra stuff is just a perk, or sometimes, a distraction. 

hopefully I will be back later today with something a little more uplifting and fun ;)

 

on almost pooping my pants...

.. from being completely nervous.

YOU SICKOS.


Aaron and I are really being challenged lately. Challenged on stepping out in faith in so many areas of our lives. If I am honest, then... this scares the poop out of me.

I mean, I was literally talking to my boss yesterday and I was discussing one area we are stepping out in faith and I said to him, "I am going to poop my pants from being so scared."

Why would I ever say that?  out loud? to my BOSS?

Anyyyywayyysss....

It's kind of scary stepping out in faith. Trusting something other than ourselves. but, honestly.. I kind of suck at a lot of things. I follow through, mostly.. but I just suck at really stepping up some times.  Enter GOD.

I am very glad that God equips the chosen because.... I kind of freak out a lot. Like, if I am really honest, I haven't started my masters because I am scared. I haven't stepped out in my faith in any real tangible way because I am so scared to mess up. I am scared to not do things in the order they should happen. I am scared to not do everything perfect.

I cannot tell you where exactly this need to do it all "right" came from other than... I am human. I want to be perfect, have perfect things, have the easy way out all the time....

However, here we are. Stepping out in our faith. Expecting God to work.

Oh, also, in expecting God to work doesn't always mean expecting Him to 'come through for you'.... it also means that He could do something completely unexpected.

I hope I can be ready for it either way.

Have a wonderful rest of our Tuesday! I think Aaron and I will be heading to a fair... and, I am unexpectedly REALLY excited for it.

TIDS + BITS

Hello there!

Whew, this week has had it's fill of STUFF. And yet, we haven't been up to too much... that's unfortunate. 

 (photos do not follow order of tids below... sorry!)

+Grateful for the Lord working in my life, even when I don't see it or feel it or know it or believe it.... He is.

+Currently we are recouping from having our 4 day weekend... It's always hard to go back to work. But, it was a plus having Monday off :) I am pleasantly surprised when I look at the day and it's a day later than I thought!

+Oh. I cut my bangs. Yeah. By myself... nice. I usually do this, but not really this short... It always helps when I trim them up a bit, and I don't think I have ever really done too bad of a job, but this time...  don't know how I like them. Aaron says he likes them, so that's good since he sees me more than anyone else. 

+Trying to eat better. It really isn't going too badly! I have tons of junk food cravings and I still drink soda of course... but I am trying, I promise!!

+Aaron and I started our first-time homebuyer's classes.. well, we only had one. We were late to it. Aaron was about 75% sure it started at 6:30... it started at 6:00p. But, it was his birthday, so I sided with him and we just cut the difference so in case we were late, we were only 15 minutes late. Talk about embarrassing... plus, it doesn't help that we look like we are, what? 16 years old walking into this class with all these older people. Fun stuff. Our second class was canceled, hoping that it is rescheduled soon. 

+On Pinterest I found a workout that Carrie Underwood supposedly does for her leg workout. I thought, "well, she has pretty great legs... I will do this!!!!" yeah. about that..... it's a pretty simple set of like 5 exercises but I tell you what, it is 2 days later and my but and thighs are killing me. Like, I-got-punched-in-the-muscle-this-really-hurts killing me. So, I'd say it's a pretty good little go-to work out. 

+We leave for vacation in something like 20ish days. YES. I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE BEACH.

+Glad the sun is out and has been out. Not glad the relative humidity is something like 928349384%

+I love watermelon. And it's so good for you. YES!

comparing

sometimes I run out of things to write about because sometimes my brain just doesn't want to work. I think, "what is something I thought about today or wanted to share?" and... n o t h i n g.

well, that's just pathetic.

so, here's something. Just now I was perusing some bloggy goodness on a few blogs I fancy and I started looking at these gorgeous gals and began COMPARING myself to them. Why don't I live somewhere awesome? Why doesn't my apartment look that cute? I wonder if I could pull that outfit/haircut/lipstick blaaahhh off?

wow. I sound pathetic, don't I? But, let's be real. We all do it. Even guys, though, I am doubting any guy is reading my blog right now. Heck, I even get surprised I have some follows over on my sidebar! (there I go... comparing, belittling, etc.)

A while back I mentioned a devotional I was working on. Well, yet again, another example of sucking and not comparing well to others. I used to be able to spend the undivided time with God and reading His Word and just really trying to relish in Him and the things He has done for me.... but now? Now, I can't even seem to muster up time with Him at the end of my day. My leftovers for the day aren't even good enough left overs. They are more just like... poop. And sometimes, I don't even offer Him that.

I don't really know what I am getting at here but that... maybe, just maybe, I need to acknowledge that we all have our little quirks, insecurities and even the different things we are good at for a reason and I just really really REALLY need to start accepting those things about myself.

Yeah, I don't really keep up with the laundry, dishes, stupid spanish homework, dusting, etc.... and yeah, that's probably really bad. But... it's also okay because, that's where I am right now. That's the point I am at. The state of my house, my work place, my lists, my brain is a direct response to how my spiritual and mental life is currently.

Currently? Well, currently I just think these toxic thoughts. I just found out these are toxic and not just normal things or normal OKAY things, but TOXIC. I think, "oh well... maybe this person is ignoring me today. Oh, that's just flipping awesome. Maybe I just suck." Or,  "I bet Aaron just hates being married to me because I am insane and I don't take care of our house or anything really and we probably don't have anything in common and i just suckkkk." Ya know, the norm. But, these things, this comparing I do (and maybe you do) isn't good. It isn't something we should be putting into our minds.

Yes, these thoughts will come, it happens. But, it's what we do with these thoughts once they come.

Somehow, I need to get to the point where I don't think on them more than the second they pop into my head. I hope that I can live my thought life like this: 

 Philippians 4:8-9

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹ Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."

where did the week go?

So.. anyone know where last week went? 

To be honest, I don't remember much about that. I hate that. Sometimes my brain gets pretty foggy, especially when I seem to be working a lot harder at work because the work keeps piling on, or when I have a lot of things going on in the evenings, blah blah blah.

So, I won't bore you anymore with the details I don't remember. I DO know that both Aaron and I took Friday and Monday (today) off to spend some time away from town and celebrate Aaron's 24th birthday! Speaking of which, my husby is 24 TODAY! :) 

On Friday we had a LOT of errands to run: I cleaned out my car (first time in about a year!), the air conditioner guy came by the house to check on it, Aaron had a dentist appointment, I had a trim, I got some new tires on my car and we grabbed some lunch! Whew! Sounds like a ton just thinking about it... 

Well, after all of that, I took Aaron to Columbus for the weekend. We stayed at The Westin in Columbus because I got a sweet deal on Hotwire. We walked around downtown, enjoyed the lovely weather, worked off the huge amounts of food we ate, and caught up on some tv. I took him shopping to pick out his perfect gift at Easton. He chose a watch and we also got him some shoes and such for work which he desperately needed. Altogether, we just spent time hanging out and not worrying about having to work on Monday (we always dread Monday coming, but not today!) I made Aaron breakfast in bed to celebrate his birthday this morning and we have just been playing it pretty low key all day.

Seriously..

I cannot complain about life right now. 

Some other things that have been going on: 

+I for the life of me cannot get on a system of doing laundry, dishes, etc. I think someone should've just handed me a manual when I got married. I would've followed that. But, I cannot just seem to "fit it in" during my days.. I can't even fathom what life will be like with kids. wow.

+ Aaron and I are really trying to commit to eating better. We have been slowly doing so, but now, we have taken the plunge. Besides the occasional chocolate I will eat with my strawberries, weaning myself from mountain dew, and such.. we will be eating more healthy, homecooked meals. I have really been trying to be aware of the ingredients going into my food for probably 6 months at least. We try to eat very simple meals, adding spices etc. here and there... but for the main part, not really buying much processed foods (besides cheese.. I seriously CANNOT cut out the cheese! but I know my tummy hates me for it.. )  I have also noticed that I have always had some sort of a chronic stomach "ache" or hurting. More recently (probably 8 months or so) I have had pain in my hips, knees, ankles, wrists, basically any joints on my body. My back has begun to hurt a lot, and my brain seems to be in a fog a lot.. so, a change in diet is in order!! Eating healthy can never hurt and I am so grateful to have a husband who is willing to do this with me! (more on this in later posts)

 photos: 1//snuggling, 2//she won't get out of the grass, 3//i am an addict, and i am trying to quit, 4//mmm cereal that i am trying to not eat anymore because of the gluten, 5//wendyyyyyyy's, 6//aaron made me breakfast in bed, just because, 7//coral nailpolish. love, 8//clean, healthy fridge, 9//best snack

and... that's about it. honestly. I don't do much aside from work and random things around the house. Sometimes I get a chance to see a lovely friend or two or my family, but not too much going on... Hoping to be less foggy to actually update this :) Tonight and tomorrow night Aaron and I are going to a first-time home buyer's class. Hopefully we learn a lot and we are praying God will provide the perfect first home for us. 

Have a lovely rest of your Monday :)

 

come right out and say it

I just do not know what has been going on this week... I just can't seem to get a grip on things.
My emotions just go from one extreme to the other (and NO, it's not that "time")... my thoughts are holding ME captive, my heart is hurting, my wishes, and hopes and dreams seem to be on standby. I just don't know what's going on...

A friend of mine (seriously, go check her blog out... she is amazing) recently posted on her blog about an app she downloaded on her phone called YouVersion. I have been using that app on my phone for some time, but just seem to have forgotten it's on there or something? Well, anyways.. she mentioned a devotional that she started on it called "Soul Detox".

Then, yesterday, I am just goofing around mindlessly surfing the internet and there it was. A blog specifically there to encourage other believing women of God. Their main thing they have been using? SOUL DETOX on the YouVersion app.  WHATT?

so, I knew... I just knew I had to start it.

and so I did.. and I love it. It doesn't have much of a lengthy text for you to muster through before you get to the nitty gritty: the Bible verses. I didn't look too much into it as I chose a poor time to try to read it... so, that sucks.

but, this morning... something just really stirred my heart and made me really sad for some reason I will never know. something that shouldn't bother me. but... it did. and after that moment it seemed like everything this morning bothered me. taking my adorable dog outside, hearing Aaron singing along to music, Aaron being happy and humming and whistling all morning, and honestly... the list goes on and ON of things that annoyed me about AARON.... and then, it hit me.

I was taking a shower and it came... JOANNA, STOP SUCKING SO BAD! STOP LETTING THOUGHTS TAKE OVER YOUR ENTIRE LIFE. Thing happen. People do things. People say things that are hurtful... YOU do things that suck a lot... but it shouldn't take over your entire MIND!...

I couldn't shake it. So... I KNEW I needed to read this devotional today. Something inside of me had to read it.

Here's a bit of what it revealed to me and in me:

Day 2

+To battle against your toxic thoughts, you MUST identify and REJECT them.

+It is not a physical battle, but rather a spiritual batter that requires God's HELP in fighting

+What are some causes of toxic thoughts in your life?

Scripture: 2 Corinthians 10:1-6  &   Ephesians 6:10-20

From 2 Corinthians 10:1-6 I pick out these verses:

2 Corinthians 10:3 -- For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does

2 Corinthians 10:5 -- We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Did you catch that?? "we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ"..... wow. What does that even mean? How do I do that? Sometimes I feel like I know God, but I realize, I just know stuff ABOUT God... this says so itself, "we demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God".... that means, I better KNOW God.. so I can discern or judge what isn't OF God.

From Ephesians 6:10-20 I picked out these verses:

Ephesians 6:11 -- Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.

Ephesians 6:18 -- And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

 This was just what I needed this morning. Did those things I thought about stop hurting or waging war against my mind and life? No.  But, that's ok... instead, I am guarded with these verses I read this morning. I can't shake them if I wanted to..  He is just that good.