stagnant

Source: modernhepburn.tumblr.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Somewhere along the lines of this life I have I lost it. I lost that love... that deep deep unending desire for Him. Don't get me wrong.. it's there. It burns in me deeply.. but mostly I suppress it with feelings of worry or anxiety, doubt, pressure to be one way, fear, thoughts, seeking perfection.. the list could go on and on.

Why do I do that? Why do WE do that? I feel like I am not alone in this. This truly is a fight.. a daily battle if you will. If you are a believer in Jesus Christ you are in this fight too... if you don't realize it yet, then you will experience it.. trust me. But, if we fight through it, if we let our thoughts and lips and hearts and lives praise HIM, it's SO SO worth it.

Years ago I dreamed of what my life would like like later on down the road. I had hoped to move from Ohio to somewhere out west.. I also dreamed of moving to the east coast, North Carolina to be more exact. I dreamed of serving God, being married, having the time of my life. But, really, those dreams just included a lot of me me me me, and not a whole lot of GOD.

I also had dreams to serve Him with an unwavering faith. I had dreams of traveling across the world, wherever He would lead me to serve those people and show them Him.

I had dreams that I would minister within a church through some sort of ministry, mainly focused on broken families dealing with addictions, etc. I dreamed I would make a difference.

But, my life seems so much different than those dreams. The only thing that has come true is that I am married to the man my heart has longed for.. and for that, I am eternally grateful.

.... there was a time when I didn't even have THAT dream. I told God I would never date again. I told Him I was done with guys, with wasting my time with these 'men' who would only lie and lead me down a path of more uncertainty...

so look, sometimes I am glad my dreams don't come true.. :)

BUT, I really had hoped I would be knee deep in serving Him by now. I don't really know where this is headed.. I just know, I really need to get back on track. I need my heart to be solely centered on Christ. I need to be reminded of His sacrifice. Of His love. Of His GRACE.

OH, His GRACE! Oh, how I am needing it these days. and how I am needing to GIVE it these days. I am grateful for that unending grace and mercy....

so, here's to that. Here's to knowing the Love that is grater that LIFE because HE IS LIFE.

Five Thanks on Thursday

Source: bitsotruth.blogspot.ca via Joanna on Pinterest

Happy THURSDAY! :) We have almost arrived, people!

Ok, so, a LOT of good things going on in my life and heart lately, besides all the blubbering I have been doing on this here part of the internetz. and... I am going to share it with you guys. That quote up above really hit me on the head and reminded me that I truly need to be more grateful for things and express them as well. so, here we go!

1) I am SO thankful for my sweet sweet husband. guys, he is made of GOLD. I cannot express to you the amount of times I have literally mental breakdowns and he is there, helping me during and after the mess of it all. He supports me in literally everything I do and want to do. For instance, I mentioned staying home and being a stay-at-home dog mom and he was all for it. See,  G O L D E N! Last weekend we watched 3 of our niece and nephews. They were a lot of work for me to handle in my mind because I am just not used to kids and kids sort of just overwhelm me sometimes... Aaron was amazing through the entire weekend, and even allowed me some time to just stay at home. Yeah, sure I cleaned, but still.... I LOVED IT. I could go on... but I will save that for another day :)

2) I am thankful for this job I have. Yes, it isn't my dream job by any means, but honestly, my boss is great and I get to work in a Christian environment. It's really awesome. And, it has taught me a lot about myself.

3) I am thankful for the Lord. I am thankful for the work He does in my heart. My heart sucks. I just am really bitter and hateful sometimes. I am pretty selfish and greedy (maybe those go hand in hand?), and I am sometimes very rude and very boastful in a certain setting. The Lord is truly accepting of me at this stage in my life... and He is working with me to help me get from this place to better things. I wish I thanked Him more...

4) I am thankful for friends. Sometimes I feel like I am not a good friend, so it is amazing that I even have friends (read #3 to see why!). I am just grateful for those friends who have stuck through life with me. Even if they are far and few between, they are my friends, my very best friends, and I love them all :)

5) I am thankful for our apartment. We seriously are living in a steal. It has character, lovely wood floors, and it v e r y cheap! I need to be more thankful for it, so here it is. Aaron and I have been house-hunting since probably November 2011, and.... nothing. Any time we are trying to put in an offer or something, someone else has put in an offer or something else happens... We feel as though God is just not ready for us to buy a house. We are trying to PATIENTLY and OBEDIENTLY accept that... but, it sucks sometimes. Instantly when the most recent house-fail happened I couldn't help but think, if God cannot trust us with the small things (keeping our little apartment cleaned and lovely and making it a home...) then WHY oh WHY would he trust us with the big things. So, here we are. We are so grateful we have a place to live. We are learning to appreciate our 'home' and all that it is.

So, there we are! What are YOU thankful for? :)

FRIDAY'S LETTERS

just at work.

oh heck yes it is Friday! I am beyond glad this day has come. Though, we have a busy weekend ahead, I am grateful for the weekend!

 on to the letters

Dear Friday: we are best friends, and I am glad!

Dear work: please go by very fast :) Thank you!

Dear hair: thank you for growing... woo!!

Dear mascara: I don't really think Zooey Deschanel uses you because... my lashes don't really look like hers

Dear Aaron: seriously?! How do you put up with my crazy?! You are a good man. GOOD. MAN.

Dear NBC: I am very bitter with your bipolar Olympic events airing at bogus times. I NEED MY SLEEP!

Dear weather: you are lovely today :) 

Dear wishful thinking: stop making me day dream!

Dear garden: seriously. you are awesome!!

anndd.. that's all :) 

Have a wonderful weekend everyone! What are you doing this weekend??

 

FRIDAY'S LETTERS

1//peach tea @ OG, 2//waiting for work week to end, 3//fav. spot, 4// beauty

Dear Friday: I just love you. 

Dear VACATION: I AM SO EXCITED FOR US TO BE TOGETHER TOMORROW!

Dear Husband: yes. this trip has finally come

Dear garden: I hope you get tended to while we are gone on vacation and that you don't DIE

1//gardening, 2// family photo, 3//green beans, 4//tomatoes

 Dear work: you really stunk this week. some parts have been grand, but a lot hasn't. preparing for vacation almost makes you not want to take one... but, that is a HUGE almost.

1//bills on monday, 2//boxes, 3//helping, 4//love this book

Dear dryer: PRAISE THE GOOD LORD YOU ARE WORKING AGAIN! I will die if you stop working again this summer. just. die.

Dear grandma: thank you for offering to have us over for a lovely pre-anniversary dinner tonight and for taking care of our baby while we are gone. WE LOVE YOU.

Dear Husband: in 3 days we will have been married for 1 year. WHAT!

1//cupcake at wedding, 2//wedding wear, 3//happy for weekend, 4//it was HOT

1//husband, 2//me, 3//storm coming, 3//pretty sky

Dear followers: I am sorry I have been MIA from this here blog for a while.. I hope to maybe (HUGE MAYBE) have some pre-scheduled posts for while I am gone. Leave me some love why dontcha? :) I am so grateful for each of you and your comments!

Dear future house: are you out there?! can we buy you yet?!? Show yourself.

1//cute house, 2//lovely sky, 3//hanging out, 4//husband stealing my heart with watermelon

Dear car: please last on our vacation. Last time we road-tripped we ended up buying YOU because our other car pooped out. please don't die on us!

Dear Pumpkin: I am going to miss you so much. stop it. I am going to cry.

Dear YOU: have a great weekend :)

 Now, go link up with Ashley by clicking below!