busy is just a state of mind... or is it?

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So.... what's up? What's the 'haps with everyone these days?? I feel like I have been WAY busy. I mean, I haven't even really used the internet for personal use... on a COMPUTER, instead of my phone, for MONTHS. 

I plan to get back on here eventually to explain the saga that WAS my quitting my job and what IS my new amazing job that God made for me! And how things just fell in my lap. but, alas, it is almost 11:30, and my bed time is usually like 9 so... that is for another day. 

Just checking in, saying I AM ALIVE and I am hoping you are too :) I really need to stop glorifying being busy. But, with masters classes starting, homework and LOADS of reading to do for class, and starting a new job and, oh, trying to still have a meaningful marriage and friendships, I have been pretty busy. 

Until later.

Have a great week!!

DERECHO and why I won't have kids...for a while.

So. 

Last night we had some pretty bad storms. Honestly, I didn't believe they would come. I have been deceived by the weather people before. But... I gave them the benefit of the doubt. EVEN THOUGH the radar at 2:30 was clear and looked like nothing was coming for a long time.

Boy.. was I wrong. 

During the day it began to get muggy.. I mean... bring a piece of paper outside and within seconds it's dripping wet and limp. (that's what she said. ((I CAN'T STOP. I miss Michael Scott.))) The humidity built all evening. Which, I am going to be honest here, sucked. Aaron is a youth pastor. Some our youth have pretty rough home lives. The mother of two of our youths is near being evicted from her trailer... she may potentially have her little girls taken from her.. it's a mess. So, our church is going to potentially help her out for work from her around the church etc. 

ANYWAYS, that is beside the point. The whole reason I bring this up is that we go to her house after youth group last night, leaving us not getting home until nearly 10pm.. youth group ends around 8/8:30pm. So.. we go there, there's a bunch of drama in the trailer park about random stuff. I kid you not, three various "fights" were going on while we were there. I sat in the car with my window open as the mugginess WEIGHED on me. I am talking, weighing on your chest as if an elephant just stepped on it WEIGHT on your chest. So, I could definitely tell something was going to come.. and probably won't be very fun.

As we got home, we turned on the tv:

That is what was in  Indiana headed our way. My in-laws already had a tornado warning and we called them and told them to get in the basement. I basically yelled DON'T BE A HERO at my FIL, and that was that. 

Aaron went to bed and I was glued to the TV. Something you should know: when I was younger and it would storm, I would get a big dufflebag together of things for if a tornado came and wiped everything away. Things the bag included consisted of socks, underwear, a couple pairs of clothes, tennis shoes, jackets, same stuff for my grandma (I lived with her) and MY BACKPACK. Why on God's green earth I would save my backpack is beyond me, but seriously... I DID, YOU GUYS. 

Also also- I am from Nevada. There are NO tornados in Nevada. If it rains, it POURS and you have tons of flash flooding/floods and it's a HUGE lightning and thunder fest, but nothing close to a tornado. When we moved to Ohio as I entered 3rd grade, it was one of the worst thunderstorm summers my part of Ohio had had in a while (so everyone says). There would be sirens going off at night and we lived in an upstairs apartment on the edge of a building with no real shelter... I would hold my arms out and scream for my grandma to come get me. 

Listen, I watched a lot of Twister when I was younger. It was a bit tramatizing when you have never actually SEEN one or ever heard a tornado siren before. 

I am convinced tornado sirens are the things horror movie soundtracks are MADE OF.

But, I digress.

look at what is coming!

There I was last night.. GLUED to the TV. I eventually went into bed around 11 (that's so late for me you guys) and stayed on my phone for another hour. I honestly SHOULD have gone to bed earlier but I didn't know what the night would hold.... (dramatic foreshadowing....). 

CLAP!!!!  huge clap of thunder comes and Pumpkin is FREAKING OUT. she is running all over our bed. Jumping OFF of the bed... and mind you, Aaron is ASLEEP for this entire thing. The man can sleep through anything. (lucky...)

I will save you the details, just know, this went on for about an hour and a half. Then.... 

Peace.

Fooorrrr about, oh, 15 minutes? 20? I DON'T FREAKING KNOW. but it wasn't long enough because....

CLAP! CLAP CLAPPPPPPPP!! more thunder. I jump. Pumpkin jumps. Aaron slightly snores... still.  

Annnnd this goes on for about an hour.  and then....

you guessed it.. PEACE. This time for maybe 20 minutes.

I get on my phone because APPARENTLY I am not going to get any sleep and I wanted to see how many more storms were coming our way....

 

Yes. that time stamp up there DOES say 3:32 AM. 

Looks like a lovely hurricane over Ohio. WONDERFUL. We are just south of Columbus, so we had even more storms coming our way.

 

 annnd here is another one just for good measure to see it regionally. :/

LONG STORY SHORT: I got oh, 2.5 good hours of sleep last night? 

But, I am very grateful for some things: 

1) Our power never went out. It would have been a terrible HOT mess if it had. 

2) I am also glad the power didn't go out because if it had, I had already made it known throughout internet-land I would be eating all the ice cream I bought yesterday so it wouldn't go to waste. Now I can savor those babies...

 

3) I am grateful for the bags I DID pack for Aaron and myself for just in case because, seriously, if it would have been bad, we would have had socks and clothes :) 

In all seriousness though... I am very grateful nothing terrible happened here. I haven't yet been able to see the damage in other places, but I am just grateful. 

However, right now, I am not very happy. The sun was semi-shinning like an hour ago, and now it is this outside: 

meh.

So, now you know why I won't have kids for a while. 

Oh, also? I have already blasted this on my instagram, so if you follow me, SORRY. But I need helps:

'

Are these "too much" glasses for my face? Some people said yes, others said no. I just don't want to look like a clown playing dress up.

HAVE A GREAT DAY. I am going to go down my mountain dew to stay awake.

it's friday WHAT WHAT!

 

oh heyyyyyyy!

 It's been a while.

Sorry about that. 

Let's pretend you are joining me on a 15 minute break, shall we? 

If you were here you would see my new office in my new job I have had since February. You would also see that I have rearranged it (that is if you were here before I rearranged it). I have a lamp to my left and turn off the florescent lights. It's magical. Well, as magical as it can be if you are in an office all day. 

I have a window to my left as well. A FLIPPING WINDOW. See? told you... M A G I C. 

I have Wicked playing right now... oh wait, it is changing to "King of Anything" by Sara Bareilles. Fun little diddy.

So, listen. IT'S FRIDAY! And I am pumped. Not that I have a relaxing weekend planned, by any means. It just means that I don't HAVE to be in an office all day this weekend. WOOT WOOT. What do you have planned this weekend? 

Me?

Oh, well, our youth group is taking a mission trip at the end of this month and we are having a sale at the church this weekend. All proceeds go to the youth. Actually, the entire town that the church is in has these annual yard sales. So, that's what I will be doing all day Saturday. But, it should be nice out. So, that's nice :) 

Hope you have something nice planned this weekend!

Oh, what else have I been up to? Well, honestly.. not too much but a lot at the same time. I am adjusting rather well to my new job. To be honest, I was growing to really hate it. The people who call in are pretty rude sometimes and I took it personal a lot. 

What do I do? 

Funny you ask! I guess I never really explained it all... I am now an Academic Advisor for a university. It's for the adult program. So, I work for mainly adult students, but there are some youngin's in there that chose not to go the traditional route. This job pretty much seems like I work at a health insurance company and deal solely with people who HATE me. HA. You think I'm kidding. But, some days, it's nice. I have to be honest. I am really starting to get the hang of things and multitasking is a BIT better. But, it's still hard in this job. I currently work with 400 adult students. So, at any given time, ANY of them can call and or email OR come into my office to meet with me. It's insane.

BUT, honestly. It has been so much better in the last month. 

I have also interviewed for my master's program I want to get in. {!!!!!!!!!!}  I don't know if I am in yet. And I hesitated to even put anything on the internet about it because it I didn't get in I would be super sad AND embarrassed. But, hey, gotta take some chances, right? The program I want to get into is School Counseling. I really love the idea of doing it and I think it's something I was made to do. so, let's hope the school thinks so too! If I get in, then my work load will need to change a bit, but maybe that would be for the best. Currently, as it stands, I do too much and I don't think I can really balance master courses AND this job AND life AND everything. 

So, let's keep our fingers crossed that all falls into place :)

Hope you have been doing well! Feel free to tell me how you are :) 

Oh, I have also been seeing that seriously every one of my friends except one of my closests ones and myself get pregnant, have a child, or have multiple children. 

Is life just LIKE THIS when you get older? It's crazy. I have tons of gray hair and now I have to deal with this?!

WHAT GIVES. 

Have a great Friday :)

on good intentions and motivation

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Good intentions. Seriously, I have them! I really do.

But, lesbihonest... if given the choice between a pizza and netflix night, and running.. I would choose the former.

also? When the choice of "my bed" is put up against... well, any other choice, I will always choose MY BED. We got a good thing going, people.

So... that's where all of my good intentions go. To bed, with me.. when I sleep, happy.

Basically, I am lacking motivation. I have a pinterest board that is supposed to be there to inspire me and give me really awesome workouts that will change my liiiifeeeeee..... but, I don't look at them. OR! I look at them while I am stuffing my face with chocolate.

Do any of you have any advice for me? I have great intentions to get up in the morning and DO something other than get ready for work, but.. alas, my bed always always ALWAYS wins.

as it is

                                                                                           Source: tunewiki.com via Joanna on Pinterest

**above: Aaron and I got to go to this lovely church on Sunday instead of the usual church the in-laws go to. I LOVED IT! I craved the worship there like nothing other. It was amazing. They song the song above. AH! So good!!


 

Got this lovely idea from Miss Julie over at An Anchor for The Soul. 

 
Enjoying: THE WEATHER :) It has been so lovely seeing the SUN out. Thing I have not been enjoying? I am sick.. have been since Friday (when I had a DAY off!!!) 


Praying about: Hmm.. prayer. I have been praying a LOT about a LOT of things. Things for my closest friends, to our house situation, to my family and things of that sort. I have also REALLY been praying for God to transform my perspective and be with me all day long at work, guiding every step.


Snacking on: at this moment? A Sunbelt Bakery Oats & Honey granola bar, and coffee :) 

 
Debating: I have been debating whether I should pack a lot more, or if I should just leave it until we HAVE to move. It's hard to decide when you don't even know where you will be going. 


Reading: For months I have been reading Ellen's book, "Seriously... I'm kidding". I wish I had more time to read, or rather, that I made more time to read. I have also been debating weather I should start "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers again. OH SUCH A GREAT BOOK!
 
Grateful for: I am so grateful for a job! At first it was hard adjusting to a new job: all the newness of new coworkers, new responsibility, new people to work for... all of it. And I wasn't being too grateful the whole time while making the adjustment. But, as I sit here, I am beyond grateful for a job. In this day and age (at least around here) it's a great thing if you have a job! I am also grateful to God for all the help He has been giving me these past few months. 
 
Thinking about: what it would be like to move to our OWN place :) AH! It would be bliss. Well... I know it would be tough at times, but it would be OURS. 
 
Listening to: you guyssssss. I love me some JT. So, today I turned on my Justin Timberlake station on Pandora. So, technically, what I have been listening to is PANDORA. All day, every day. Gets me through my worrrrrk. I have also been listening to a good dose of "positive self-talk" in my head. Yeah, it's been good. 


Watching: uh, what DON'T I watch? Oh yeah, Duck Dynasty. I have been watching: Grey's Anatomy on Netflix, The Walking Dead, Revenge (LURRVEEEE!!), I tried watching Catfish on MTV the other day because Michelle always raves about it on her bloggy blog. Well, I turned it on, and I sat there, watching.. thinking.. "This seems an AWFUL lot like The Real World."... I tweeted Michelle and lo and behold.. MTV had LIED to me. It was indeed THE REAL WORLD in San Diego or something. So, next time, Catfish, next time. 
 

Feeling: I have been feeling pretty run down. Also? Sad. But also, also... I have been feeling like I want to go on vacation, or SOMETHING. I NEED THE SUN, PEOPLE. I need the beach, I need the relaxed lifestyle for a week. I NEED IT. 



How about you?? :)  


 

where you're supposed to be

                                                                                          Source: 25.media.tumblr.com via Joanna on Pinterest

where you are supposed to be...

this is pretty hard to accept sometimes. we always want MORE. More money, more food, more clothes, more HOUSE, more SOMETHING.

unless it's more school loan debt, or more problems.. then yeah, I really don't want more of that. 

but seriously. perspective. that's something I have really been trying to work on lately. it's definitely a daily battle of my mind. "i hate this weather." "i love this weather."  "i want a HOUSEEEEE." "i am okay waiting, God, if that's what you want." and so it goes...

it's funny how that works though. sometimes, okay, a LOT of the time, when we get what we want... time goes by and soon enough, we want more. sometimes i step back and think about the things I used to want. or sometimes I look around me and think about the things i am complaining about and realize.... these same 'problems' right now are things i wanted a year ago, or are the same things someone would kill for right now. BE CONTENT.

but, can I be honest here?

It's dang hard to be content.

it's hard because I start letting those things that shouldn't rule my heart, sit on the throne of my heart for far too long and have food delivered there and camp out there for monthssssssssss on end.

I really need to get that under control. It's funny. At the beginning of this year I chose a word to keep in mind for the year and focus on it:

SURRENDER.

maybe it's not funny, but it is to me. It's funny how those things I yearn to work on and get better at with God are those SAME THINGS that get harder. He always does that, doesn't He? My friend is currently working on leaping out in faith and doing things in faith. God just keeps throwing these curves, but she keeps trucking on....   It's hard, but it is so worth it.

I don't know what will happen this time next month. I don't know where we will be living. Currently, we have two offers on two houses in town. We have to wait for the bank to accept an offer.... which, on one of the houses, our offer has been in for close to 2 months. the bank got back to us last week and we sent back our "final offer" to them again. hoping, no, PRAYING, they would cave and accept our offer.  we will see... only time will tell. but seriously, I have to be honest... I am not believing that we are exactly where we are supposed to be right now...

the boxes strewn across the apartment are mirror images of my heart and mind as of late: utter shambles. Tiny boxes full of hope and yet, nowhere to put them out upon. No where to place these hopes upon.

it's funny to me how life plays out and how God likes to "come to my rescue" at the last second. It's seriously my life. I need to get used to it eventually. i need to start believing He will come through for us. and I need to understand that, chances are, it will be at the very last moment when we need him to make a clutch shot and win the game, that He will do so AND THEN SOME.

okay, God... we are ready for the clutch shot to be made :)

wide-eyed emoji.

Source: someecards.com via Joanna on Pinterest

well, well, well... LIFE. *huge sigh*

Life is.. insane. Especially right now. I can't even begin to get into all of the intricacies that have been creating this uneasiness about life.. but, boy oh BOY, life can just calm the heck down anytime now, mmkay??

1. Our landlord passed away at the beginning of January. It was so very sad. He passed away very peacefully, but still.. so very sad. We would walk by his florida room and usually look in expecting to see him for WEEKS. Even this evening I walked by and looked in and.... alas, Mr. Will is no longer there, joanna.  So. VERY. SAD. So.. this leads us to.....

2. We need to find somewhere to live. Ideally, a HOME of our VERY OWN. That's right people. We are still looking for the house we will buy. We have put offers on houses, and they have all fallen through for some reason. Mind you, we have been doing this since November 2011. 2 0 1 1 P E O P L E. so.. with that sad, this is just getting old. way old. I know, I KNOW.. I need to have patience, I need to trust God. Well, guess what? I need to do a lot of things, and if you know me, I am stubborn as all get out and.. well, that just doesn't happen. Which is horrible because I once heard this, "patience isn't about waiting, it's about what do you while you are waiting" or something like that. I am not too good at doing things like: trusting, being calm, being rational, etc. when I am waiting... so that sucks. Okay, back to the point... We are working on trying to get a house currently. Praying and praying and hoping and pinning away on pinterest and trying our hardest to NOT get our hopes up... but there they are, staring us straight in our faces all day long. our stupid hopes. so.. there's that.

3. I started a new job on the 11th. It has been quite the adjustment. I am grateful for this opportunity and the chance to learn new things is always exciting to me. But, with many things going on in my family and personally, it has been a rough adjustment. I miss my old boss and co-workers. I somehow MISS PAYING BILLS as a job. (what?!) I just miss the relationships I built there and the truth is, I was pretty darn great at that job! It's hard to leave that for a job that I literally feel like I am just pretending to know what I am doing all day long. Trusting God is hard, especially when you are me... or A HUMAN. All of this to say, I have learned that I do not like change. I thought I did. I thought I was spontaneous and adventurous. And, to an extent, I am... I really am. But, I love consistency for the most part. I love when plans come together and I adore follow-through. I love it. So, this has been the biggest adjustment of them all! But, regardless of that.. I am seeing God's purpose for this season of change. I have had the blessing of being able to bless other people through prayer and in helping them. It has been great in that regard! So, hopefully one day I will learn the job better, and be confident!

4. Back to #2... our apartment consistently seems to be in disarray. From boxes I have been hoarding from my previous job and a friend who recently moved, to the fact that I have all these decorations and such, but, why even bother putting it up since we need to be out by.. oh, APRIL!!!  so.. that's hard.

5. WE FINALLY GOT NEW PHONES AND THAT IS A BIG FREAKING DEAL. iPhones, y'all. I am in love! (if this were the iPhone I would do the emoji with the hearts as eyes ;) ) 

I promise I am not complaining, I promise I am not! Merely letting it all out on my little place here in the internetz. Oh, and let's give a shout out to all the cute little ladies I know who have had babies! Seriously, I think 5 within a month had a baby, and a few more having babies in the next coming months. BABY FEVER, PEOPLE. it's real.

Oh, back to the point of this, but seriously... I would love to get paid to eat and sleep all day. Wouldn't you?? :)

HAPPY THURSDAY!!

random wedding picture that has nothing to do with anything, I just love it.

If you remember, Thursday is one of my favorite days! I still don't know why, but I just love them.

Today was extra special because I found out I won a blog giveaway!! I am pretty excited about it :) go check out Daina and the other gals! They are great!

I hope you all are having a great week. I know that this week as been particularly tough. It has been tough waking up in the mornings and trying to do anything productive after work. I have been feeling pretty sluggish and down right down. Soooo worn out. 

So, I am ready for the weekend. Also, some thanks. Here are my five thanks on thursday for this Thursday :)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I am trying to come up with some thanks that I normally view as "not so good", but realize I am blessed to have them.

1. I am blessed to have somewhere to live. Although our apartment isn't ideal for us anymore, I am truly thankful to have somewhere to live. I am thankful to have air conditioning and heat, as well as a space heater, etc. I am thankful for a home filled with STUFF, even though it is annoying that it is everywhere sometimes. Aaron and I are still in the process of looking/thinking/praying for a home for us to purchase. After we didn't get a house we put a bid on, we got pretty discouraged. We resenting our current home, and hated it. How selfish. Just learning to be thankful in all circumstances. Many people would kill to have a place to stay even for one night, and we get to LIVE there.

2. I am thankful for clothes. I am thankful that although I have TONS of clothes that I rarely wear, but are somehow thrown all over the house throughout the week, I am thankful I have them. I hope that I can start being more mindful regarding purchases as well as taking time to go through my clothes (and Aaron's!) to be able to give those to someone who may not have many clothes at all.

3. I am thankful for the job I currently have. I complain about being so busy sometimes and how I want to punch my own face in, but I am thankful that I HAVE a job. I have the best boss. He is so understanding when I need time off, and he laughs at how insane I am at work and the weird things I say... so that is awesome. I am grateful that I work in an environment where I feel accepted (for the most part). I am thankful that somehow, someway, this job is preparing me for my future and a job I really hope to have some day!

4. I am thankful for family. I know I have said this thanks before but... I need to keep reminding myself that family is a good thing. Growing up I had some unfortunately things happen within my family. To me, family was just 'there'. Sometimes, family was out to ruin your life. And, still, others, family was there as a support system. Lately, I have really been seeing that my family, although MENTALLY INSANE, and unstable, my family is mine. Those who continue to stay there and support me and my sisters are amazing.. I wouldn't trade them for the world.

5. and finally... I am thankful for today. Although I didn't want to get up today, I am glad I did. I am glad that I came to work. I am thankful for this dang insurance meeting I have to go to. I am thankful I have an OPPORTUNITY for insurance. I am just really blessed.

I have been to 5 other countries serving in mission trips, and various places in the USA. Each time it has reminded me that I have SO SO MUCH. I have been given so much. When I think back on those people who have nothing, but prepared a meal and asked me over, I get this overwhelming feeling that I have TOO MUCH. I need to share it with others. I need to bless others with it. I just... I can't explain it. I hope that you can look at your life and know you are blessed despite your thinking so. And to think it not just during the holiday seasons, but all year round.  

Hopefully these don't bore too many people out there.. just trying to remember for myself, the things I should be thankful for instead of grumbling about them!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Have a lovely day :) Maybe, just maybe I will be back soon.

I had a splinter in my finger for 3 days.

Sooooo...

this post has nothing too interesting in it. I am going through a really rough patch in life. there isn't much pep in my step, so to speak, and not much going on in my brain. I have literally sat here today and just felt so BLAH.

I have been feeling pretty down about a few things. Some of which aren't mine to share, so, obviously I won't. But, it is SO HARD going through stuff with someone else or trying to process the hardships of others. I wish I could fix the world's problems, but I just can't figure out how on my own.. so so grateful for Jesus.

I, did, however apply for my masters. I have been fairly hesitant on divulging that on the interwebs, but, listen, this place is for me, so I need to share it. I applied! WOO! haha now, to wait for the transcripts to be delivered, the 3 recommendations to get in and for a faculty review. If I get the 'okay' from that review, then I am selected to participate in a group interview where I will interview (obvs) and do a writing sample right then and there.. from THERRRRE I will find out if I get accepted in the program or not. so, FUN STUFF GUYS. say a little prayer for me, will ya?

So, all of this going on and NOT going on, I just have nothing much to say lately. I have nothing good and exciting to report. We have some mice in our old old house/apartment, so, there ya go.. MORE FUN STUFF! 

I guess I am just feeling so blah.. that's the only way to describe it. 

Oh, also? I went on a retreat this weekend that kicked my butt. I hope to share about it soon.. but, perhaps that's why I feel this way? Maybe I am just tired.. oh, and I really did have a splinter in my finger for 3 days.. just got it out this morning. so, yeah, there IS something good going on! haha

SO! I found some cute/funny/inspiring stuff on pinterest and wanted to share:

Source: iobad.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Source: awelltraveledwoman.tumblr.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Source: themetapicture.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Source: simplygoodstuff.tumblr.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Source: media-cache6.pinterest.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Source: thatcutesite.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Source: 25.media.tumblr.com via Joanna on Pinterest

I hope and pray I get out of this funk soon. I hope things start panning out how I thought they would. Also, I hope the sun would come out a little more, or that I can embrace the cold more, because, I really think it will be a nasty winter this year... we shall see.

later days!

HALLOWEEN EXCITEMENT: i cannot contain myself

Source: classy-in-the-city.tumblr.com via Joanna on Pinterest

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

So, it is 7:23pm on Halloween night. I have been home sick all day. Put on real pants only to go out to get some necessities, and by that I mean: mountain dew and shells and cheese. And then came home and put on jammy pants (that's what Aaron and I call them) for the rest of the day. But, I did brush my teeth, so just in case you were wondering, there's that.

Aaron is currently playing some video game (that sounds funny even typing out...) and I have just been perusing the internetz avoiding things I should probably do like... work on a budget, grocery list, meal plan, pack for the FCA Retreat or type my personal statement essay for my Master's application....

Pumpkin is sitting here patiently watching us, all the while, I KNOW she is dying and wants to play. 

Oh! also? There is a MOUSE. IN. MY KITCHEN. no, we don't have traps. and YES, we should go get them because as my grandma says, "there are probably 20 in there!!! so, that's really encouraging. haha

Life as of lately.... hmm. Not much to report. I applied for a position I would really love to do at my current place of work, but haven't really heard much about it since that was sent in. I have basically given up any hope for it.. oh well. It will all work out how it should, I suppose. The real kicker with it is that I don't feel right just up and leaving my current position. I love working for my boss, so that would be really hard. And we are SO busy with a bunch of projects/items that I am just not sure I could leave until January or so...   WE SHALL SEE. I am really trying to learn to put things into God's hands. After I submitted my application/resume I really sat back and felt like I had given it to God.... But, then I looked at my sent-box on my email every second I could checking if she received it and opened it (I AM WAAAYY CREEPY LIKE THAT.).... so, perhaps this is God just showing me and testing my will and if I really, truly have given it to him.

Aaron has recently gotten a new position (a sort-of promotion if you will) at his work. That is very exciting for us as we could definitely use a little (and I use that term loosely) but more money!!

Things I am currently excited about:

+ Christmas is coming people. We still have Thanksgiving, but IT'S COMING.

+FCA retreat this weekend: there should be a lot of students going. Aaron has never been and it will be great to see him out there, leading, playing sports and just having FUN. 

+Friday is almost here. Enough said. 

annnnnd that's pretty much it for excitement.

Also lately: I have been pretty down about things. Nothing I can really pinpoint.. just down. And it's really hard for me. I think I need something new and exciting to do. Any suggestions?? :) 

This is a pretty boring post. And, the picture at the top has nothing to do with it or Halloween or anything... I just liked it. I do this thing where I look up "dream city houses" on Realtor.com and just put in my price max and how many rooms and SEARCH. Looking at that house up top just keeps inspiring me to do it. I mean, if I am going to life in a mouse infested, freezing old house/apartment, I am going to take advantage of our wifi that costs so dang much and look for places we REALLY could want to live at. 

Well, Aaron just turned around and asked what I was working on... I sheepishly looked at him and said... "my blog..." and he laughed and said we are slackers. He should be working on homework for his master's and I should submit my application for my masters... so, I guess I should get on that.

Welp, later days :)

looking upon others will never feed our lives

Source: positive-inking.tumblr.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Seasons of life are ever changing.
And sometimes? Well, sometimes they can't change fast enough.

I struggle with a deep seeding thing called, ENVY. It's rough, you guys. Sometimes things are gooooood. I am content. I love life. I love my things. I am happy.

Other times? Well... other times, envy rears her head out and screams, "WHY CAN'T I HAVE THIS" "WHY CAN'T I DO THAT"... woe is me.

Sometimes I look around and find myself struggling. I find myself wondering what God had planned to put me in this exact moment... this exact spot. I struggle trying to figure things out.

Those times are also times I try to do things all on my own. I look around and think that IIIIIIIII can get myself there. IIIIIIII can figure these things out.

Well, yeah, I CAN. but, it probably won't come easy.

Those are the times I need to give it to God. Why do we act like that's a 'last resort'? "Well, I guess I will just haaaveee to pray about ittttttt."  That should never be a last resort. It should be the first thing we do.

My head often gets clouded with others. Their thoughts, opinions, lives, etc. I see someone else doing things I should/want to do and envy comes. I ask for advice in so many areas and my head/thoughts get clouded.

Don't get me wrong, it's awesome to seek out our friends and family for advice. In fact, I recommend it. But I also think sometimes we need to seek HIM before anything else. We need to get our minds right by talking to God before we talk to others. After all, He really knows best.

I remember a long time ago (like 6 years ago) hearing the idea that we can't look at someone else's faith journey and think, "how did THEY get there?" "What books did THEY read that helped them?" "That scripture worked to spur them on, I should use it too"

These things are meaningful and purposeful in THAT person's life. We can only focus on our own lives. Our own NOW. Our own journey. Often times we are just beginning and they have already started the race. Or vice versa. We should never assume those things will work for us.

We should challenge ourselves to not look to the blessings of others and compare them to our lives. People always think the grass is greener on the other side... but often times, it's because that person has been watering their side. They have been through struggles, and they are now at a point (a season) where they are accepting of their life or have moved on with God's help.

Life is just one big mystery.

stagnant

Source: modernhepburn.tumblr.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Somewhere along the lines of this life I have I lost it. I lost that love... that deep deep unending desire for Him. Don't get me wrong.. it's there. It burns in me deeply.. but mostly I suppress it with feelings of worry or anxiety, doubt, pressure to be one way, fear, thoughts, seeking perfection.. the list could go on and on.

Why do I do that? Why do WE do that? I feel like I am not alone in this. This truly is a fight.. a daily battle if you will. If you are a believer in Jesus Christ you are in this fight too... if you don't realize it yet, then you will experience it.. trust me. But, if we fight through it, if we let our thoughts and lips and hearts and lives praise HIM, it's SO SO worth it.

Years ago I dreamed of what my life would like like later on down the road. I had hoped to move from Ohio to somewhere out west.. I also dreamed of moving to the east coast, North Carolina to be more exact. I dreamed of serving God, being married, having the time of my life. But, really, those dreams just included a lot of me me me me, and not a whole lot of GOD.

I also had dreams to serve Him with an unwavering faith. I had dreams of traveling across the world, wherever He would lead me to serve those people and show them Him.

I had dreams that I would minister within a church through some sort of ministry, mainly focused on broken families dealing with addictions, etc. I dreamed I would make a difference.

But, my life seems so much different than those dreams. The only thing that has come true is that I am married to the man my heart has longed for.. and for that, I am eternally grateful.

.... there was a time when I didn't even have THAT dream. I told God I would never date again. I told Him I was done with guys, with wasting my time with these 'men' who would only lie and lead me down a path of more uncertainty...

so look, sometimes I am glad my dreams don't come true.. :)

BUT, I really had hoped I would be knee deep in serving Him by now. I don't really know where this is headed.. I just know, I really need to get back on track. I need my heart to be solely centered on Christ. I need to be reminded of His sacrifice. Of His love. Of His GRACE.

OH, His GRACE! Oh, how I am needing it these days. and how I am needing to GIVE it these days. I am grateful for that unending grace and mercy....

so, here's to that. Here's to knowing the Love that is grater that LIFE because HE IS LIFE.

well, it's been a while, hasn't it?

jumping pictures are still cool in our book. Look at my man's jump! he has had too much practice...

It's Friday :)
I am very very grateful for that. Today, I am very very sick.. had to take a sick day, which I rarely do. Thankful for a boss who understand when I feel like I have been run over by a truck and feel like death.

OKAY, moving on..

The above picture is from our vacation over 2 months ago! I haven't even had a moment to edit them and wanted to do so before posting them up for us. So, I am taking full advantage of this sick day and doing just that! Those pictures were taken the morning of our FIRST anniversary at sunrise :) 

Not much to report here on my end. Life has been... rough. SO many things going on from: disappointment in not getting the house we put an offer on, to some family things and being sick.. life is hard. But, I am learning to be grateful for these things even though they are tough. Some people don't have many many things that I have and often complain about... trying to change my perspective.. I am not sure if this is even making sense, but it will do for now. 

Hoping to be able to post our vacation pics (or some of them) later today or even this weekend. I hope I will be able to push life aside to update this thing because, after all, I started it as a way to connect with my family and to be able to look back on our memories in a tangible way...

Hope everyone is doing so well :)

too many thoughts but not enough to go on.

last saturday morning. lovely morning hair. had to share!

Thoughts today have included:

+ I must be grateful for the things in my life right now. If I can't be thankful for the little things, then how can I be thankful for the big things?

+ I am pretty glad I have the boss I have. He is letting me go home early today. How. Awesome.

+ I should probably buy some groceries. Oh well... it can wait until tomorrow.

+ HOLY COW. Tomorrow is Friday. WOO!!

+ Speaking of Friday, I will get to see my long lost friend tomorrow :) YAY!

+ It's pretty hot in my office right now. What happened to the lovely temps we were having?!

+ School counseling sounds amazing. Summers off? what!?

+ Should Aaron and I buy a house? Should we buy this house we ADORE!? Or, should we buy a house we can fix up!? OR should we just put all our money to our student loans and never have a house? :/

+ I need my hair trimmed and thinned out. Lookin' like a hot. mess. these days!

+ I am hungry. How did we not have ANY pasta in the house today!?

+ We need to exercise more, like, FOR REAL.

+ UGH. these stupid wisdom teeth. I wish they fell out like our baby teeth did. Though, that freaked me out when that happened!  Any one else?

+Social media and I are back and forth.

+ I have been wanting to change the name of this blog for a while. I think you all will hate the name, but... there are like tonssss of blogs called FROM THE INSIDE OUT.. which sucks.

+ I am far too addicted to mountain dew.. or candy.. and ice cream.. hence, the working out is NEEDED.

+ I AM READY FOR FALL

+ Watching HGTV today and being completely disgusted and people complaining about perfectly beautiful homes.

+ I am a horrible person and need to work on that.

Thus concludes the randoms of today! :)

friday's letters

Source: sunnysblog.typepad.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Good morning :) It's a little dreary out, but I am glad.. because... IT'S FRIDAY!! woo!!

and now, for some lovely letters on a Friday...

Dear life: you are getting ridiculous. How can something go wrong over and over and then it work out? Please, just let me know what's coming so I can be prepared. and yes, I know I am asking too much..

Dear work: I am working on being grateful for having you and for realizing what a blessing you are. Thank you that you provide me money and experience..

Dear school debt: you suck. but, listen, we are slowly but surely conquering you so... take that!

Dear summer: sooner or later you are going to be leaving. I know, I know. you are pretty sad about it... but come on. You were really hot and almost unbearable. I can't believe I am about to say this, but... I am glad it has been raining a little. Sorry...

DEAR FALL: I AM GLAD YOU WILL BE COMING SOON!!

Dear contentment: please come any time now :)

Dear house we wanted that is back on the market: quit playing games with our hearts. 

Dear bed: I am sorry I ever left you...

Dear husband: ah! I just can't express how awesome you are. Thanks for being you! i love you :)

Dear body: you can quit hurting any time now... 

Dear blog: you have 50 followers now! that is such a milestone and you should be proud of yourself. Who thought we would have ever had 1 follower? woo!!!

Dear weekend: prepare for me to try not to let you leave like you did on Monday. Let's make a pact to never let Monday get between us again.

Oh, by the way, work: you can go by really fast today, please and thank you :)

Dear self: whew! This week and taken it's toll at times. Just remember that you have one life to live and keep things in perspective. 

Dear YOU: Have a lovely weekend :)

Five Thanks on Thursday

Source: bitsotruth.blogspot.ca via Joanna on Pinterest

Happy THURSDAY! :) We have almost arrived, people!

Ok, so, a LOT of good things going on in my life and heart lately, besides all the blubbering I have been doing on this here part of the internetz. and... I am going to share it with you guys. That quote up above really hit me on the head and reminded me that I truly need to be more grateful for things and express them as well. so, here we go!

1) I am SO thankful for my sweet sweet husband. guys, he is made of GOLD. I cannot express to you the amount of times I have literally mental breakdowns and he is there, helping me during and after the mess of it all. He supports me in literally everything I do and want to do. For instance, I mentioned staying home and being a stay-at-home dog mom and he was all for it. See,  G O L D E N! Last weekend we watched 3 of our niece and nephews. They were a lot of work for me to handle in my mind because I am just not used to kids and kids sort of just overwhelm me sometimes... Aaron was amazing through the entire weekend, and even allowed me some time to just stay at home. Yeah, sure I cleaned, but still.... I LOVED IT. I could go on... but I will save that for another day :)

2) I am thankful for this job I have. Yes, it isn't my dream job by any means, but honestly, my boss is great and I get to work in a Christian environment. It's really awesome. And, it has taught me a lot about myself.

3) I am thankful for the Lord. I am thankful for the work He does in my heart. My heart sucks. I just am really bitter and hateful sometimes. I am pretty selfish and greedy (maybe those go hand in hand?), and I am sometimes very rude and very boastful in a certain setting. The Lord is truly accepting of me at this stage in my life... and He is working with me to help me get from this place to better things. I wish I thanked Him more...

4) I am thankful for friends. Sometimes I feel like I am not a good friend, so it is amazing that I even have friends (read #3 to see why!). I am just grateful for those friends who have stuck through life with me. Even if they are far and few between, they are my friends, my very best friends, and I love them all :)

5) I am thankful for our apartment. We seriously are living in a steal. It has character, lovely wood floors, and it v e r y cheap! I need to be more thankful for it, so here it is. Aaron and I have been house-hunting since probably November 2011, and.... nothing. Any time we are trying to put in an offer or something, someone else has put in an offer or something else happens... We feel as though God is just not ready for us to buy a house. We are trying to PATIENTLY and OBEDIENTLY accept that... but, it sucks sometimes. Instantly when the most recent house-fail happened I couldn't help but think, if God cannot trust us with the small things (keeping our little apartment cleaned and lovely and making it a home...) then WHY oh WHY would he trust us with the big things. So, here we are. We are so grateful we have a place to live. We are learning to appreciate our 'home' and all that it is.

So, there we are! What are YOU thankful for? :)

Being a Helpful Lady

heyyyyyyyyy!

So, today I am thinking a lot about the future. As well as thinking a lot about contentment and desiring God's Will for my life.

For as long as I can remember when someone asked me what I wanted to do when I got older I just knew one thing: I wanted to help people. I always love helping people in many different ways. Particularly I LOVE hearing about people's lives, their struggles, their passions and their dreams and achieving those dreams. I just LOVE IT! (okay, I get it.. I sound creepy.. oh well!)

I love going to other countries and serving the people there. I am a firm believer in showing people Christ and then telling them about Him. It is my firm belief that actions speak louder than words, and I like to live my life like that. So, my preferred way to evangelize (which basically means to tell people about Jesus Christ and God, etc.) is to show them Him by serving them, loving them, encouraging them, being there for them.  I have been to Mexico, the Bahamas, Grenada, Haiti and the Dominican Republic on mission trips. Each time we did serious work. Yes, we had some fun thrown in there, but work was the name of the game. I loved it. I love working so hard and still having to muster up enough energy to do "Cinderella dressed in yella" on the jump rope for 3 ours. I love not caring what we look like as we work. I love seeing these people light up when you do something for them and them asking "why" you did it. LOVE. IT.

I also am weirdly fascinated with discussing careers with people. Like, I love knowing what people want to achieve with their life, what job they truly want to do, etc. I also really like high school to college age people. Well, anyone is GREAT, but I am just more "interested" (not sure if that's the right term... hmm) in those ages. When I was in college and went to Univ. of Toledo I led a bible study for a bunch of gals involved in Campus Crusade for Christ. I absolutely loved it. My best friend from Toledo and I headed it up and really wanted to develop amazing relationships with these girls, and boy did we! I love it. It will always be one of my fondest moments of my life. Along with this, was discussing life with these girls. I loved learning about them and from them. When I transferred schools, it was a bit different, a little harder to make friends like that, but I definitely did. A topic of discussion with most any of my friends usually includes life and our futures. I even love helping strategize with them how to make their dreams happen, etc.

I really like the idea of working in a school one day. The scheduling of classes and encouraging kids to go to college... i love it all. (I am so weird.)  But, I also want to be able to make a difference in their learning experience. I think working in School Social Work would be great because I would be able to assist in breaking down the barriers for students to learn...

I think it would be great to work at a homeless shelter. In college, I did my practicum at a women's shelter. I liked it, but I also learned ways not to run something. It was a good experience all in all... I loved the experience because I really felt like it was something I could do (at the right center/shelter) and I would feel like I was a making a difference. Along with that, even working for a non-profit organization that maybe travels to disaster areas would be a great job. I think I would like to assist in helping them rebuild, or helping them in a way of counseling, just someone for them to talk to.

Another time when I was in college I went to a church my roommate went to. Her mom actually invited me. It was a sort of "recovery group" that the church offered. A place for them to connect with others going through their similar situations and to connect to Christ as well. My friend's mom asked me to speak at one of the meetings. I had a rough upbringing when I was younger filled with drugs and alcohol and abuse in my life, so it seemed like something I really wanted to express to them: how a child felt in the midst of all of that. I loved being able to speak to them and it helped me a lot as well. I loved being able to connect with them...


at the end of the day, I just want to make a difference. I want to come alive. I want others to come alive from talking with me or from me helping them. And most importantly, I want to show them Christ. 

In my current job, I don't feel like I have much of a chance to do that stuff. I am wildly blessed to have this job, but it just kills me to know that this passion is deep down inside me and all I really do is do things for people and pay bills, etc. Maybe that sounds like help, but it really doesn't feel like it sometimes. I crave the idea of going on in the community and assisting people.


I think I just wrote that all out as a way to say, "hey, if any of you know of a great career, or degree I could do that would allow me to do that stuff, let me know!", or to be able to just hash it out in writing. I have so many interests, but they all come down to one thing: I want to help people. I have a personality that requires me to feel like I am impacting someone's life or I feel as though I have no real worth, or meaning. And I fully believe that the Lord also gifted me with this, a heart and a love for people at an early age.

Seeking God's Will and being content are pretty hard, and I am truly trying to do it. But, trust me when I say.... I don't think I can do it without Him.

FRIDAY'S LETTERS

i love me some hot chocolate :)

Dear Friday, we meet again. You are so lovely and I adore you. I hope you are good to me and fly on by! I need a nice, calm relaxing day!

Dear cold-I-think-I-am-getting, please go away. If I knew I had the whole weekend to lounge around I would maybe welcome you slightly as I wouldn't have much to do. But, as you see, the mister and I have lots to do this week, and I don't have time to be messing around with you. 

Dear hot chocolate, mmmmm! I will miss summer (sort of), but I will gladly welcome you with open arms when the school year starts around these parts and the coffee shop will be open so us staffers (and students :/) can get our fill!!

Dear niece and nephews, we are SO exciting to spend time with you this weekend! I hope you enjoy your time with us (and that we don't like, kill you or anything..). We love you!

Dear work, as I discussed with Friday, I hope you fly on by. We have some kiddos to get to and we don't need you dragging on... Thank you :)

Dear disappointments, I wish you didn't come so often these days. But, I am trying to learn to be grateful for you and to realize that without you, I wouldn't look at my life and be thankful for what I have nearly as much.

Dear God, thank you for being so so patient with me. 

Dear link-up, how is it 8:40am and already 103 people have entered you? Do people sleep?! You guys are quick!!!

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annndddd that's all for my letters. Short and sweet! I had hoped to put some things I was drooling over on pinterest and some pictures from this week, but.... this dang cold or whatever is holding me hostage. 

Now, go on over and do your own letters at Ashley's link-up by clicking below!!

Happy Friday :)

disappointments are the PITS

It really stinks when you want something so bad and then it doesn't happen. 

It really stinks when you get disappointed that it DOESN'T happen. 

I guess God has other plans for us that we do, and that's ok, but sometimes.. I am not ok with it. Sometimes I want to whine like a baby and throw a tantrum and be ticked off for, oh, A YEAR. 

But other times, I need to realize that this life ISN'T about me. It isn't about you, it isn't about stuff or degrees or jobs or anything like that. It's about Him. It's about pleasing Him, showing others His love through our lives and about knowing Him personally.

So, I guess it is ok when things don't work out. It just gives us more time to work on seeking His presence over his presents and to really relish our moments with Him. 

I hope that through life's disappointments I will realize that He is the One I should've been seeking all along..... all the extra stuff is just a perk, or sometimes, a distraction. 

hopefully I will be back later today with something a little more uplifting and fun ;)