I AM GOING TO EXPLODE

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I am entirely too busy these days. 

I can't think. 

I can't get things done.

I NEVER remember things that I need done at home.

I don't fold the laundry. It's just sitting in my living room, laid neatly in a pile on the loveseat.

I sit at work and my mind twists and twirls around with things to do FOR. WORK.

I get email after email after EMAIL: Joanna, do this.. Joanna, please do that.... Joanna, HERE'S ANOTHER 50 MORE THINGS TO DO.

I get phone calls requesting the same.

I get the mail twice a day and each time I think I have things done or semi caught up on...

I DON'T. because the mail just comes. and it comes to ruin my life. my entire day. lest, my entire MONTH.

Currently, we have 349359283 projects going on at work. The to-do lists are daunting on top of the other 'daily' or 'weekly' things I need to do.

Did I mention that, oh wait, I am married? And, I am involved in other things outside of work?

WHEW! I guess this is what it means to be grown up. So, fine. But, let me whine about it for a second, please. Let me just let out my frustration at my own mind for not allowing me to remember. 

If you don't, I may just through my computer out the building. I may cut the phone chord. I may shred any evidence that I received any bills to pay this week (month)... And I may just walk out and go home and put on my sweatpants and maybe cry a little bit.

So, please.. let me vent. 

Here are some lovely things on my mind for today. (If this were The Big Bang Theory, Sheldon would be holding a sign reading "SARCASM" behind me as I just said that):

• I have to go to the dentist? again? TODAY?! nice.
• I wish I had more coffee... now.
• Oh, I started drinking coffee.. love it. addicted already. NOT GOOD.
• I am so glad I have mounds of papers surrounding me daily at work. it doesn't make me want to cry in the least
• I really am good at handling stress. But I also just need to cry about it like a little baby
• I have already received 3 emails while writing this. SUCKS. leave me alone people
• sometimes, okay, all the time, people I don't really work for ask me to do things for them because they didn't get the memo that I don't work for them. or that the work they are doing doesn't affect me in the least. I am ALL about helping people.. but it is beginning to interfere with my brain
• Is it Christmas yet?
• Pumpkin Show is next week. so I get 2 days off... which will make it a 5 day weekend. Perhaps I should take Wednesday off too? that would be glorious
• Man.. I should probably finish my grad. school application.. 
• But that means I have to get people so send in recommendations. TOO MUCH PRESSURE
• Oh and that means I also have to track down all those colleges I went to and have them submit transcripts.
• Instead, I think I just won't...
•  What should I have for lunch? oh, chili that I have been eating for days since I made it.. 
• I need a nap already and it's only 11:58a 

Hope you guys have a lovely day NOT thinking about all the stuff 

you need to think about like I am :)

looking upon others will never feed our lives

Source: positive-inking.tumblr.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Seasons of life are ever changing.
And sometimes? Well, sometimes they can't change fast enough.

I struggle with a deep seeding thing called, ENVY. It's rough, you guys. Sometimes things are gooooood. I am content. I love life. I love my things. I am happy.

Other times? Well... other times, envy rears her head out and screams, "WHY CAN'T I HAVE THIS" "WHY CAN'T I DO THAT"... woe is me.

Sometimes I look around and find myself struggling. I find myself wondering what God had planned to put me in this exact moment... this exact spot. I struggle trying to figure things out.

Those times are also times I try to do things all on my own. I look around and think that IIIIIIIII can get myself there. IIIIIIII can figure these things out.

Well, yeah, I CAN. but, it probably won't come easy.

Those are the times I need to give it to God. Why do we act like that's a 'last resort'? "Well, I guess I will just haaaveee to pray about ittttttt."  That should never be a last resort. It should be the first thing we do.

My head often gets clouded with others. Their thoughts, opinions, lives, etc. I see someone else doing things I should/want to do and envy comes. I ask for advice in so many areas and my head/thoughts get clouded.

Don't get me wrong, it's awesome to seek out our friends and family for advice. In fact, I recommend it. But I also think sometimes we need to seek HIM before anything else. We need to get our minds right by talking to God before we talk to others. After all, He really knows best.

I remember a long time ago (like 6 years ago) hearing the idea that we can't look at someone else's faith journey and think, "how did THEY get there?" "What books did THEY read that helped them?" "That scripture worked to spur them on, I should use it too"

These things are meaningful and purposeful in THAT person's life. We can only focus on our own lives. Our own NOW. Our own journey. Often times we are just beginning and they have already started the race. Or vice versa. We should never assume those things will work for us.

We should challenge ourselves to not look to the blessings of others and compare them to our lives. People always think the grass is greener on the other side... but often times, it's because that person has been watering their side. They have been through struggles, and they are now at a point (a season) where they are accepting of their life or have moved on with God's help.

Life is just one big mystery.

this wasn't supposed to be this sort of post!

 

good morning :)

Today my lovely husband gets to sleep in and not work ALL DAY, while I am stuck at work. NO FUN. Too bad my work doesn't celebrate Columbus Day. 

Anywaaaayyyyy...

This weekend was a busy one for us. Actually, all of last week was as well. Time is going by faster and faster. There are not enough minutes in the day. It's starting to take it's toll.

Aaron has started his masters about a month ago in Business and it's surely keeping him very busy on top of being a youth pastor and working full-time at a bank. Poor guy...

I, on the other hand, am working full-time at my job, helping out with Fellowship of Christian Athletes, helping Aaron with youth group and trying to do everything else in between. 

Life is way too busy. 

On top of all of that we have various church/youth events, family things, and try to spend time together. MEANINGFUL time together.

It gets pretty hard. It also doesn't help that I love sleep entirely too much probably so often times I am dead asleep way before Aaron some nights. We also love our tv shows. From "Bones" to "How I Met Your Mother" and everything in between... we love it. We usually do that together because our brains seem too fried to do anything else. And with the changing seasons, I get extra cold and my ears get affected so we REALLY don't want to go outside more than we have to. 

It's life.

It may seem really lame or stupid to you that we do that so much together, but I must say... I agree with you. 

The Bible never really delves into what marriage should look like other than a husband must value his wife like Christ valued the church (that He would die for the church). and the wife must submit to the husband as the church submits to Christ. 

But, then what?

What does it even mean to have a "Godly relationship"? What does studying the Bible together look like? What if one person can't pay attention to the other when that person is reading thus rendering your Bible studying time together meaningless? How is a man to lead his family? What if he wasn't shown how to as a youth? How is a woman supposed to support her husband Biblically when she is really strong headed? How are they to get everything done in a day (i.e. laundry, dishes, dinner, together time, etc.)?

How? 

This isn't really the way this post was supposed to go, but I am going to go with it. Perhaps you all have some insight into this for us? 

Don't get me wrong, our marriage is great. Aaron is my ultimate best friend, my sweetheart, I adore him. And I KNOW beyond anything that he feels the same for me. 

I am basically coming at this from a non-christian unbringing and Aaron coming from a Christian home but not really being taught HOW to lead. It's not shameful to say it's an area where we struggle together as I am sure a lot of newly married (and even longer married) couples face. I am willing to admit where we fall short and where we need Christ to intervene. 

In the Lord's eyes, we are still babies to him. We have so much more to learn. Sometimes I am grateful for that but I also get upset not being able to have these answers for myself. Seasons come and seasons go... and so it is with our relationships with Christ. But, we long for so much more. 

May we never lose sight of that. 

:)

bananas of the world UNITE

Have any of you been to church summer camps, or anything of that sort? Do you know the banana song?  I have NO idea where it came from, but when I went to post a title to this, that song came to mind.  If you DON'T know it it goes a little something like this, "BANANAS OF THE WORLD, UNITE!..." (then, you bring your arms up like a banana and sing the rest, moving your arms down like they are banana peels...) "Peel banana, peel peel banana, peel banana peel peel banana.."  then, you go crazy, "GO BANANAS, GO GO BANANAS. GO BANANAS, GO GO BANANAS!!!!!!"

aaaannndddd enough of that....

This morning I am trying my best to be chipper and wish I weren't at home, in sweats, drinking hot chocolate, watching trash tv on netflix or cable.  MMM, good times, you guys. GOOD. TIMES.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Here are some letters I should probably write for today: 

Dear husband of mine....  I will miss you. We rarely see each other these days, and if we do, it is after we are dog tired and just veg out. I MISS YOU. Have fun this weekend with your friends! And, remember, you have a sermon to prepare ;)  I love you so much! :)

Dear friends.... YAY! I WILL HANG OUT WITH YOU TONIGHT AND IT WILL BE GLORIOUS. 

Dear gray hair....  uh, LISTEN. I am 23, NOT 33... know the difference. Why are there so many of you?!!? And why did you start coming around 21?!?!?  I hate you.

Dear fall....  I am in so much like with you it hurts.

Dear migraines I have been having these past few days....  I also hate YOU.

Dear work....  please go fast today :) I am really excited to see this week leave, and I hope you can help me in cooperating in this.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

+This past month or so has been a rough one, you guys. I don't know what's going on: maybe the weather change, or aliens taking over people's bodies.. I DON'T KNOW. But, my family has been crazy. Crazy things are happening. Sad things are happening to friends of mine. and good things happening to friends of mine as well. I can't seem to shake a funk I am in, and I am hoping that happens soon. So, I have saved you (and myself) from having to read it and for myself to have to look back on what was supposed to share some fun memories of my marriage, life, etc. and then be depressed by reading it. So, there's that..

+I have been trying my hardest to pick a major for my masters, and I think I have it figured out. But, every time I *think* I have it figured out.... something comes and TOTALLY takes me by surprise and makes me rethink everything... which sucks. 

Welp, I have nothing insightful or funny or intelligent to say as I should probably be paying some bills at work right now, and with the sun like NEVER coming out again, I am dragging along.

Have a great weekend :)

five thanks on thursday + FALL!

Source: witanddelight.tumblr.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Hello :)
Today marks the official beginning of fall, and guess what?!

I LOVE IT. I absolutely adore fall. The sweaters, the scarves, boots, big chunky socks, drinking hot chocolate to keep warm, lots of blankets, the crisp of the air, bonfires, flannel.... ohhhhh I could go on.

I live in a town where basically we love pumpkins. Every third Wednesday through Saturday of October we shut down our town for something called The Pumpkin Show. If you haven't heard of it, you are either 1) living under a rock, or 2) have a life outside of pumpkins. :) Either way, you should go back and click on THE PUMPKIN SHOW to see what it's all about. I will post more about this lovely event another time, probably right before it happens, but oh well..

So, as you can see... I FREAKING LOVE FALL. :)

Okay okay, enough sickening love stuff about me and fall.... today I am trying to restart my five thanks on thursday to truly revel in those things I am grateful for.

It's so easy lately to get caught up in life, the good and the bad. Lately, it's seemed to be more of the bad than the good.. yet, I firmly believe that in every bad there has to be, there just HAS TO BE something good from it. So, alas, here are MY thanks on thursday:

1) I am very grateful for the job I have. I am pretty sure I was thankful for this last time but.. I just need to express it once more. As I drive home very upset or worn out on my lunch breaks most days I usually pass many people out and about, walking, and sometimes they seem like that they have a very rough situation they are in. Each time I am very humbled by this. I need to remind myself that, 1)it is a blessing to have a job, period. Especially a job in a Christian environment. My boss is awesome, some people I work with are awesome. I just really need to start appreciating it more. Many people apply and apply to many places and never gain employment. I am blessed.

2) I am grateful for my family. As of late all I usually say are really negative things about my family. About so many people not having to deal with the things I have dealt with within my family.. and ya know what? Some of that IS true. Some of the crap my family chooses to do I don't know many people who have family members who do those things... BUT, I do know there are other families out there have to deal with these things and WORSE. So, I am counting my blessings on this one. I am grateful to even know that I am supported by my family. I can't wait to be able to start our own family one day.

3) I am grateful that the Father provides. For a few months I have felt this heavy weight of anxiety and worry on my heart. On days when it isn't so bad, I still feel it... Sometimes it gets so bad I can barely breathe, I can't even muster out tears or move, even though I want to so badly. I have had to take a step back and sometimes leave for a little bit in order to gain back some sense of peace. The other day it really hit me hard for some reason. Things kept coming at me left and right at work and within my family and friends... it was too much to handle. I left work that day and bawled my eyes out. I couldn't even muster any words.. just many tears. Later that evening I had the house to myself. I found a podcast about worry and anxiety and it was just what I needed. I am grateful that He calls us to NOT WORRY, to not put our hearts and minds on earthly things but rather in Him and in heaven. I am grateful that I can rely on Him. Yes, things are hard, He even promises that we WILL have trouble in this world (John 16:33), but we can get through it with peace with Him.  This is not our home.

4) I am also very grateful for my husband. He is my best friend, you guys. (cue the ganging or the aw's, either one is fine!) I don't even think you guys KNOW how insane I am. Well, if you do, then you know that my husband is a GEM. He is so supportive and loving, kind, sweet, funny, handsome, and all-together just tries for me. He tries to understand me. He tries to help me when I am struggling. Ah!! I could go on , but I will spare you. The Lord really works through Him to get to me. I have never met someone so patient. Wow!

5) I am grateful for my car. My grandma hasn't had her car for a few months now, so any chance I get I let her borrow mine. I am grateful for it because I sometimes get frustrated with having to let her use it, only to remember that she NEEDS it. I don't. I don't need my car on the weekend. Heck, we are lucky if I even put on real clothes, let alone ME drive somewhere. If I go anywhere, Aaron drives. So, DUH! Yes, grandma you can borrow my car!! I am grateful that it was a GIFT to me. I am not grateful for the circumstances that led to me getting it, but I am grateful to have it. We are blessed to only have one car payment instead of 2, and that is AWESOME because we pay the cost of a mortgage in school loans  haha.

What are YOU thankful for today?

stagnant

Source: modernhepburn.tumblr.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Somewhere along the lines of this life I have I lost it. I lost that love... that deep deep unending desire for Him. Don't get me wrong.. it's there. It burns in me deeply.. but mostly I suppress it with feelings of worry or anxiety, doubt, pressure to be one way, fear, thoughts, seeking perfection.. the list could go on and on.

Why do I do that? Why do WE do that? I feel like I am not alone in this. This truly is a fight.. a daily battle if you will. If you are a believer in Jesus Christ you are in this fight too... if you don't realize it yet, then you will experience it.. trust me. But, if we fight through it, if we let our thoughts and lips and hearts and lives praise HIM, it's SO SO worth it.

Years ago I dreamed of what my life would like like later on down the road. I had hoped to move from Ohio to somewhere out west.. I also dreamed of moving to the east coast, North Carolina to be more exact. I dreamed of serving God, being married, having the time of my life. But, really, those dreams just included a lot of me me me me, and not a whole lot of GOD.

I also had dreams to serve Him with an unwavering faith. I had dreams of traveling across the world, wherever He would lead me to serve those people and show them Him.

I had dreams that I would minister within a church through some sort of ministry, mainly focused on broken families dealing with addictions, etc. I dreamed I would make a difference.

But, my life seems so much different than those dreams. The only thing that has come true is that I am married to the man my heart has longed for.. and for that, I am eternally grateful.

.... there was a time when I didn't even have THAT dream. I told God I would never date again. I told Him I was done with guys, with wasting my time with these 'men' who would only lie and lead me down a path of more uncertainty...

so look, sometimes I am glad my dreams don't come true.. :)

BUT, I really had hoped I would be knee deep in serving Him by now. I don't really know where this is headed.. I just know, I really need to get back on track. I need my heart to be solely centered on Christ. I need to be reminded of His sacrifice. Of His love. Of His GRACE.

OH, His GRACE! Oh, how I am needing it these days. and how I am needing to GIVE it these days. I am grateful for that unending grace and mercy....

so, here's to that. Here's to knowing the Love that is grater that LIFE because HE IS LIFE.

well, it's been a while, hasn't it?

jumping pictures are still cool in our book. Look at my man's jump! he has had too much practice...

It's Friday :)
I am very very grateful for that. Today, I am very very sick.. had to take a sick day, which I rarely do. Thankful for a boss who understand when I feel like I have been run over by a truck and feel like death.

OKAY, moving on..

The above picture is from our vacation over 2 months ago! I haven't even had a moment to edit them and wanted to do so before posting them up for us. So, I am taking full advantage of this sick day and doing just that! Those pictures were taken the morning of our FIRST anniversary at sunrise :) 

Not much to report here on my end. Life has been... rough. SO many things going on from: disappointment in not getting the house we put an offer on, to some family things and being sick.. life is hard. But, I am learning to be grateful for these things even though they are tough. Some people don't have many many things that I have and often complain about... trying to change my perspective.. I am not sure if this is even making sense, but it will do for now. 

Hoping to be able to post our vacation pics (or some of them) later today or even this weekend. I hope I will be able to push life aside to update this thing because, after all, I started it as a way to connect with my family and to be able to look back on our memories in a tangible way...

Hope everyone is doing so well :)