where you're supposed to be

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where you are supposed to be...

this is pretty hard to accept sometimes. we always want MORE. More money, more food, more clothes, more HOUSE, more SOMETHING.

unless it's more school loan debt, or more problems.. then yeah, I really don't want more of that. 

but seriously. perspective. that's something I have really been trying to work on lately. it's definitely a daily battle of my mind. "i hate this weather." "i love this weather."  "i want a HOUSEEEEE." "i am okay waiting, God, if that's what you want." and so it goes...

it's funny how that works though. sometimes, okay, a LOT of the time, when we get what we want... time goes by and soon enough, we want more. sometimes i step back and think about the things I used to want. or sometimes I look around me and think about the things i am complaining about and realize.... these same 'problems' right now are things i wanted a year ago, or are the same things someone would kill for right now. BE CONTENT.

but, can I be honest here?

It's dang hard to be content.

it's hard because I start letting those things that shouldn't rule my heart, sit on the throne of my heart for far too long and have food delivered there and camp out there for monthssssssssss on end.

I really need to get that under control. It's funny. At the beginning of this year I chose a word to keep in mind for the year and focus on it:

SURRENDER.

maybe it's not funny, but it is to me. It's funny how those things I yearn to work on and get better at with God are those SAME THINGS that get harder. He always does that, doesn't He? My friend is currently working on leaping out in faith and doing things in faith. God just keeps throwing these curves, but she keeps trucking on....   It's hard, but it is so worth it.

I don't know what will happen this time next month. I don't know where we will be living. Currently, we have two offers on two houses in town. We have to wait for the bank to accept an offer.... which, on one of the houses, our offer has been in for close to 2 months. the bank got back to us last week and we sent back our "final offer" to them again. hoping, no, PRAYING, they would cave and accept our offer.  we will see... only time will tell. but seriously, I have to be honest... I am not believing that we are exactly where we are supposed to be right now...

the boxes strewn across the apartment are mirror images of my heart and mind as of late: utter shambles. Tiny boxes full of hope and yet, nowhere to put them out upon. No where to place these hopes upon.

it's funny to me how life plays out and how God likes to "come to my rescue" at the last second. It's seriously my life. I need to get used to it eventually. i need to start believing He will come through for us. and I need to understand that, chances are, it will be at the very last moment when we need him to make a clutch shot and win the game, that He will do so AND THEN SOME.

okay, God... we are ready for the clutch shot to be made :)

wide-eyed emoji.

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well, well, well... LIFE. *huge sigh*

Life is.. insane. Especially right now. I can't even begin to get into all of the intricacies that have been creating this uneasiness about life.. but, boy oh BOY, life can just calm the heck down anytime now, mmkay??

1. Our landlord passed away at the beginning of January. It was so very sad. He passed away very peacefully, but still.. so very sad. We would walk by his florida room and usually look in expecting to see him for WEEKS. Even this evening I walked by and looked in and.... alas, Mr. Will is no longer there, joanna.  So. VERY. SAD. So.. this leads us to.....

2. We need to find somewhere to live. Ideally, a HOME of our VERY OWN. That's right people. We are still looking for the house we will buy. We have put offers on houses, and they have all fallen through for some reason. Mind you, we have been doing this since November 2011. 2 0 1 1 P E O P L E. so.. with that sad, this is just getting old. way old. I know, I KNOW.. I need to have patience, I need to trust God. Well, guess what? I need to do a lot of things, and if you know me, I am stubborn as all get out and.. well, that just doesn't happen. Which is horrible because I once heard this, "patience isn't about waiting, it's about what do you while you are waiting" or something like that. I am not too good at doing things like: trusting, being calm, being rational, etc. when I am waiting... so that sucks. Okay, back to the point... We are working on trying to get a house currently. Praying and praying and hoping and pinning away on pinterest and trying our hardest to NOT get our hopes up... but there they are, staring us straight in our faces all day long. our stupid hopes. so.. there's that.

3. I started a new job on the 11th. It has been quite the adjustment. I am grateful for this opportunity and the chance to learn new things is always exciting to me. But, with many things going on in my family and personally, it has been a rough adjustment. I miss my old boss and co-workers. I somehow MISS PAYING BILLS as a job. (what?!) I just miss the relationships I built there and the truth is, I was pretty darn great at that job! It's hard to leave that for a job that I literally feel like I am just pretending to know what I am doing all day long. Trusting God is hard, especially when you are me... or A HUMAN. All of this to say, I have learned that I do not like change. I thought I did. I thought I was spontaneous and adventurous. And, to an extent, I am... I really am. But, I love consistency for the most part. I love when plans come together and I adore follow-through. I love it. So, this has been the biggest adjustment of them all! But, regardless of that.. I am seeing God's purpose for this season of change. I have had the blessing of being able to bless other people through prayer and in helping them. It has been great in that regard! So, hopefully one day I will learn the job better, and be confident!

4. Back to #2... our apartment consistently seems to be in disarray. From boxes I have been hoarding from my previous job and a friend who recently moved, to the fact that I have all these decorations and such, but, why even bother putting it up since we need to be out by.. oh, APRIL!!!  so.. that's hard.

5. WE FINALLY GOT NEW PHONES AND THAT IS A BIG FREAKING DEAL. iPhones, y'all. I am in love! (if this were the iPhone I would do the emoji with the hearts as eyes ;) ) 

I promise I am not complaining, I promise I am not! Merely letting it all out on my little place here in the internetz. Oh, and let's give a shout out to all the cute little ladies I know who have had babies! Seriously, I think 5 within a month had a baby, and a few more having babies in the next coming months. BABY FEVER, PEOPLE. it's real.

Oh, back to the point of this, but seriously... I would love to get paid to eat and sleep all day. Wouldn't you?? :)

good enough

on Mondays I help out with Fellowship of Christian Athletes in my hometown. When I was in high school, I was actively involved in this club. As I have gone through college, it has slowly dwindled down and there aren't as many godly influences in that school. So, I really felt compelled to become an adult leader for this group.

this past Monday I was to speak, but I felt God leading me a different direction than what I felt I should go the week before.

I spoke to the girls (mainly all girls go, which is sad, because.. WHERE ARE ALL THE GODLY GUYS!) about God's love and how MUCH He loves us. I highlighted several verses. Of these verses as Romans 5. I love this chapter.

The video above was posted by another adult leader this morning to go along with what I spoke about and it really shook my core. Just the encouragement I needed this morning...

I have had a rough month or so. Just feeling down about some things and transitioning into other things.. God has been good through it all. Something I need to keep reminding myself is HE IS SOVEREIGN. no matter what is going on HE IS SOVEREIGN. Somehow, someway, that makes it all seem better.. even for a moment.

I hope you find encouragement through this video.

I also hope to be able to post more of my thoughts in the future. I have just been really battling some things mentally and needing to process, and sometimes, blabbing that all over the internet isn't good for anyone. So, alas, I have been silent on this part of the internet I hold.

battling not feeling good enough or that you have made a mistake, no matter how big or small it is, is tough. But He is so so good and loves us NO MATTER WHAT. We are justified. We MUST accept that, or nothing in this life will last and matter to us because we won't think we are worth it, but God screams over and over YOU ARE WORTH IT. You are SO worth it to me.

I love that.

{so be it}

feeling stressed... stress brings a lot upon my body: body aches, muscle pains, migraines, feeling like vomiting at all moments... THE FUN STUFF.

here is some encouragement to give me when I feel I don't have any more to give:

Habakkuk 3:17-19 -- Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls,  yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. GOD, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer’s; he makes me tread on my high places.
 

James 1:2-4 -- Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

Jeremiah 17:7,8 -- “Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose trust is the LORD. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.”

 

Matthew 11:28-30 -- Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Psalms 103:1-5 -- Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

Psalms 55:22 -- Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.

 

 

1 Peter 5:7   -- Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

 

 

and lastly, my favorite on this:

 

 

Philippians 4:6-7    Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

friday's lettters: 1/25/13

dear friday, you have been good to me. thank you!!

dear phone, I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU. I am so glad that you die every 5 minutes and don't really work. I cannot wait until my upgrade.

dear hair, I think you are growing on me. (speaking of which, I NEED TO SHARE!!)

dear houses that are for sale online one day and then not the next, you guys suck. getting my hopes up and everything and then BAM.

dear house-hunting, oi. headaches.

dear God, thank you for your many blessings you have been giving to us. I thank you for all the good things you are bringing our way.

dear new job, I AM SO EXCITED TO START YOU!! (oh man, I still have to share THAT too!)

dear current job, I won't miss you, per say.. I will miss the people, my boss. My boss is seriously the best boss. It will be hard leaving, but I am excited for a new adventure.

dear frozen apartment, i can't move my fingers very well to type this. WARM UP, DUDE.

dear husband, I am so proud of you for finishing your second class for your master's degree! You are awesome!!! I LOVE YOU :)

dear pinterest, you need to stop tempting me. I think we need a break.. some separation. it's not you, it's.. ah, who am I kidding, it IS you!

dear readers, thank you for all your sweet comments! Life has been quite a whirlwind and I hope to be able to comment back soon :)

dear weekend, be kind to us. last weekend was FULL of moving people and never resting... I hope we can get recharged this weekend.


have a good weekend :)

this is gonna be so stupid. OH WELL

okayyyyyyy

listen people. This isn't noteworthy.. or really worth a post, but here goes... I am at a hair-crossroads. I am literally getting sick of my hair. BUT, I don't want to chop it all off because.. heck.. it has taken a while to get to where it is. It seriously hasn't been this long for over 5 years. YIKES.

Perhaps I have just run out of hairstyles? Perhaps I am just getting sick of trying to blow dry it. Also- I have noticed my hair getting more oily. UH. WHAT THE HECK. it needs to stop that. oh, and it's winter which means, my hair decides to hate me. It's what it does in the winter.

I can't find a good dry shampoo I like.. plus, with dark hair, it gets hard to use it repeatedly. Okay, maybe I should suck it up and wash it.. whatever.

I recently died by hair a slight auburn and even THAT hasn't made a difference.. in fact, I am almost hating it more since my stupid water makes the color fade. UGHHH. (whine much?)

anyway. I don't really get all girly and such on here, but come on.. what's a girl to do?

It's like this: I could either 1)let it grow reaaalllyy long, and grow my bangs and totally try to rock the semi-middle part. 2) put some color in it, 3) go chop my bangs off in the bathroom right now, 4)go really short, 5) shave my head. so...

these are some styles I am liking right now. take it away pinterest board.....

1: the grow it out waayyy long and try to be cool with the middle part
 

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2: the cut the bang by yoselffff in the bathroom right this moment

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3:color anyone?

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4: different color anyone??

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5: zooey bangs and dark color

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6: orrrrrrr maybe I should just cut it all off:

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decisions, decisions.

see ya, 2012

I wish I had more pictures from 2012 to be able to reminisce with.. but alas, I sucked at taking any real photos of 2012, which is sad to me. 

So here goes, me trying to recap my year from memory, which I seemed to have lost somewhere in 2012.. (these are based off of status updates from facebook because.. seriously, I don't remember anything anymore)

 be warned: this is very long and VERY uninteresting. maybe 2013 will bring more FUN! :)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

January:

• lots of boring weather in Ohio
• winter.
• work
• nothing much..
• tried to start to drink more water. Realized this caused you to pee.. A LOT
• I discovered Mumford and Sons
• January was a really tough month for me personally in regards to many things.. MOVING ON.
• house hunted..

February:

• I was reading Sacred Marriage
• watched Food, Inc. and decided that the world and all food was disgusting
• I had a dream much like an episode of The Walking Dead
• My stupid power steering fluid leaked a bunch and I had to fill it with about 6 bottles of fluid before I could get it fixed... nice.
• 1st married Valentine's Day
• house hunted some more..

March:

• Had a lovely morning with a lovely friend, Melissa. *note to self: hang out with her more!!
• spring break at work (2 days, wooo)
• painted our living room.. I think?? or maybe that was later in the summer.....
• OHHH looking back, gave up facebook and internet for Lent. It was refreshing.
• stopped looking at houses..

April:

• worked, A LOT
• Saw Tim Tebow in person at my work. 
• Jaw dropped as Mr. Tebow walked right by me...
• Husband met Mr. Tebow. Still mad at him for that one....
• Saw West Side Story at the Ohio Theatre with my aunts and grandma, loved it!!
• Saw a high school put on the musical Legally Blonde with my girls!
• I got pretty sick in April.. like, so sick, I only remember bits and pieces of one week ahhh
• Started our garden!
• found a house we liked..

May:

• Started my blog!!!!
• Grandma's 63rd bday
• Learned how to make Puppy Chow. oh gosshhh
• Youngest sister went to Prom!
• Youngest sister graduated high school!!
• Camping with our youth group
• dime a dog night at Clippers game
• started a "who's having a baby/had a baby list"
• looked more at houses!

June:

• Aaron's 24th birthday spent in Cbus! 
• Youngest sister's 19th birthday!
• made some homemade chocolate chip cookies and they were the bomb dot com
• took the youth group to Kings Island, fell in love with Family Force Five
• We liked a house..

July:

• 1 year anniversary in Hilton Head!!!!!!!!!
• our dryer died.. again. 
• our dryer was fixed AGAIN!!
• ate a lot of froyo
• saw The Dark Knight Rises at midnight in a theatre in Hilton Head with Hilton Head's finest youth..*shakes head* 
• the skating rink and bowling alley I went to in my younger days and had my only real big birthday party at was BURNED down. All those memories of after-proms and birthday parties burned away.. I for real CRIED.
• house we liked didn't work out.

August:

• helped youngest sister figure out finances for college. UGH.
• sang at the annual Bell Tower Dinner for our church
• Olympics.  and.. I barely watched. whoops!
• Watched our niece and nephews for the weekend and didn't kill them.
• updated my who's having a baby list A LOT.
• worked on deciding on a master's program! Whoop whoop!
• my aunt and uncle renewed their vows: 25 years, y'all!
• looked for houses, but not as much..

September:

•  watched a lot of football.. because of Aaron
• went to a bonfire at one of my best friend's house
• SMASHED THE HECK OUT OF LACEY'S CRAPPY PHONE WHEN SHE GOT AN IPHONE!!!!
• work was really hard
• Put an offer in on THE house we loved. aannnddd didn't get it.

October:

• FAVORITE MONTH
• PUMPKIN SHOW!
• HALF A WEEK OFF OF WORK FOR PUMPKIN SHOW!
• finally put up some decorations in our house because we realized we will probably forever be in this apartment....
• election commercials and wanting to shoot my eyes out.
• worked on my personal statement for grad school!!! WHATTTT
• decided to do School Counseling as my masters :)
• MORE meth labs busted in town. KEEPIN' IT CLASSY.

November:

• Aaron and I were huddle leaders at an FCA Retreat. loved it!
• ELECTION.
• celebrate a sister's birthday... was the last time we saw her :/ hope she is doing okay.

December:

• MY 24TH BIRTHDAY: went to a japanese steak house for dinner the weekend before
• got our 2nd LIVE Christmas tree! :)
• Went to LOTS of Christmas parties
• ....4 WISDOM TEETH OUT. sick.
• lots of pain meds and NOT lots of food I love.
• time off of work
• CHRISTMAS!!!!!!
• helping youngest sister out with finances and life decisions for college again.. LIFE WAAHHH
• annndddd lots of tv watching.

 annndd that was it for our year basically. I mean, we went on dates, and some fun stuff, but.. alas, I forgot and clearly quit posting anything on facebook. so, yeah. I should maybe put "document real life better" as a new year's goal for myself.

peace out, 2012. I am ready for you to leave to be real honest.