bananas of the world UNITE

Have any of you been to church summer camps, or anything of that sort? Do you know the banana song?  I have NO idea where it came from, but when I went to post a title to this, that song came to mind.  If you DON'T know it it goes a little something like this, "BANANAS OF THE WORLD, UNITE!..." (then, you bring your arms up like a banana and sing the rest, moving your arms down like they are banana peels...) "Peel banana, peel peel banana, peel banana peel peel banana.."  then, you go crazy, "GO BANANAS, GO GO BANANAS. GO BANANAS, GO GO BANANAS!!!!!!"

aaaannndddd enough of that....

This morning I am trying my best to be chipper and wish I weren't at home, in sweats, drinking hot chocolate, watching trash tv on netflix or cable.  MMM, good times, you guys. GOOD. TIMES.

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Here are some letters I should probably write for today: 

Dear husband of mine....  I will miss you. We rarely see each other these days, and if we do, it is after we are dog tired and just veg out. I MISS YOU. Have fun this weekend with your friends! And, remember, you have a sermon to prepare ;)  I love you so much! :)

Dear friends.... YAY! I WILL HANG OUT WITH YOU TONIGHT AND IT WILL BE GLORIOUS. 

Dear gray hair....  uh, LISTEN. I am 23, NOT 33... know the difference. Why are there so many of you?!!? And why did you start coming around 21?!?!?  I hate you.

Dear fall....  I am in so much like with you it hurts.

Dear migraines I have been having these past few days....  I also hate YOU.

Dear work....  please go fast today :) I am really excited to see this week leave, and I hope you can help me in cooperating in this.

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+This past month or so has been a rough one, you guys. I don't know what's going on: maybe the weather change, or aliens taking over people's bodies.. I DON'T KNOW. But, my family has been crazy. Crazy things are happening. Sad things are happening to friends of mine. and good things happening to friends of mine as well. I can't seem to shake a funk I am in, and I am hoping that happens soon. So, I have saved you (and myself) from having to read it and for myself to have to look back on what was supposed to share some fun memories of my marriage, life, etc. and then be depressed by reading it. So, there's that..

+I have been trying my hardest to pick a major for my masters, and I think I have it figured out. But, every time I *think* I have it figured out.... something comes and TOTALLY takes me by surprise and makes me rethink everything... which sucks. 

Welp, I have nothing insightful or funny or intelligent to say as I should probably be paying some bills at work right now, and with the sun like NEVER coming out again, I am dragging along.

Have a great weekend :)

five thanks on thursday + FALL!

Source: witanddelight.tumblr.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Hello :)
Today marks the official beginning of fall, and guess what?!

I LOVE IT. I absolutely adore fall. The sweaters, the scarves, boots, big chunky socks, drinking hot chocolate to keep warm, lots of blankets, the crisp of the air, bonfires, flannel.... ohhhhh I could go on.

I live in a town where basically we love pumpkins. Every third Wednesday through Saturday of October we shut down our town for something called The Pumpkin Show. If you haven't heard of it, you are either 1) living under a rock, or 2) have a life outside of pumpkins. :) Either way, you should go back and click on THE PUMPKIN SHOW to see what it's all about. I will post more about this lovely event another time, probably right before it happens, but oh well..

So, as you can see... I FREAKING LOVE FALL. :)

Okay okay, enough sickening love stuff about me and fall.... today I am trying to restart my five thanks on thursday to truly revel in those things I am grateful for.

It's so easy lately to get caught up in life, the good and the bad. Lately, it's seemed to be more of the bad than the good.. yet, I firmly believe that in every bad there has to be, there just HAS TO BE something good from it. So, alas, here are MY thanks on thursday:

1) I am very grateful for the job I have. I am pretty sure I was thankful for this last time but.. I just need to express it once more. As I drive home very upset or worn out on my lunch breaks most days I usually pass many people out and about, walking, and sometimes they seem like that they have a very rough situation they are in. Each time I am very humbled by this. I need to remind myself that, 1)it is a blessing to have a job, period. Especially a job in a Christian environment. My boss is awesome, some people I work with are awesome. I just really need to start appreciating it more. Many people apply and apply to many places and never gain employment. I am blessed.

2) I am grateful for my family. As of late all I usually say are really negative things about my family. About so many people not having to deal with the things I have dealt with within my family.. and ya know what? Some of that IS true. Some of the crap my family chooses to do I don't know many people who have family members who do those things... BUT, I do know there are other families out there have to deal with these things and WORSE. So, I am counting my blessings on this one. I am grateful to even know that I am supported by my family. I can't wait to be able to start our own family one day.

3) I am grateful that the Father provides. For a few months I have felt this heavy weight of anxiety and worry on my heart. On days when it isn't so bad, I still feel it... Sometimes it gets so bad I can barely breathe, I can't even muster out tears or move, even though I want to so badly. I have had to take a step back and sometimes leave for a little bit in order to gain back some sense of peace. The other day it really hit me hard for some reason. Things kept coming at me left and right at work and within my family and friends... it was too much to handle. I left work that day and bawled my eyes out. I couldn't even muster any words.. just many tears. Later that evening I had the house to myself. I found a podcast about worry and anxiety and it was just what I needed. I am grateful that He calls us to NOT WORRY, to not put our hearts and minds on earthly things but rather in Him and in heaven. I am grateful that I can rely on Him. Yes, things are hard, He even promises that we WILL have trouble in this world (John 16:33), but we can get through it with peace with Him.  This is not our home.

4) I am also very grateful for my husband. He is my best friend, you guys. (cue the ganging or the aw's, either one is fine!) I don't even think you guys KNOW how insane I am. Well, if you do, then you know that my husband is a GEM. He is so supportive and loving, kind, sweet, funny, handsome, and all-together just tries for me. He tries to understand me. He tries to help me when I am struggling. Ah!! I could go on , but I will spare you. The Lord really works through Him to get to me. I have never met someone so patient. Wow!

5) I am grateful for my car. My grandma hasn't had her car for a few months now, so any chance I get I let her borrow mine. I am grateful for it because I sometimes get frustrated with having to let her use it, only to remember that she NEEDS it. I don't. I don't need my car on the weekend. Heck, we are lucky if I even put on real clothes, let alone ME drive somewhere. If I go anywhere, Aaron drives. So, DUH! Yes, grandma you can borrow my car!! I am grateful that it was a GIFT to me. I am not grateful for the circumstances that led to me getting it, but I am grateful to have it. We are blessed to only have one car payment instead of 2, and that is AWESOME because we pay the cost of a mortgage in school loans  haha.

What are YOU thankful for today?

stagnant

Source: modernhepburn.tumblr.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Somewhere along the lines of this life I have I lost it. I lost that love... that deep deep unending desire for Him. Don't get me wrong.. it's there. It burns in me deeply.. but mostly I suppress it with feelings of worry or anxiety, doubt, pressure to be one way, fear, thoughts, seeking perfection.. the list could go on and on.

Why do I do that? Why do WE do that? I feel like I am not alone in this. This truly is a fight.. a daily battle if you will. If you are a believer in Jesus Christ you are in this fight too... if you don't realize it yet, then you will experience it.. trust me. But, if we fight through it, if we let our thoughts and lips and hearts and lives praise HIM, it's SO SO worth it.

Years ago I dreamed of what my life would like like later on down the road. I had hoped to move from Ohio to somewhere out west.. I also dreamed of moving to the east coast, North Carolina to be more exact. I dreamed of serving God, being married, having the time of my life. But, really, those dreams just included a lot of me me me me, and not a whole lot of GOD.

I also had dreams to serve Him with an unwavering faith. I had dreams of traveling across the world, wherever He would lead me to serve those people and show them Him.

I had dreams that I would minister within a church through some sort of ministry, mainly focused on broken families dealing with addictions, etc. I dreamed I would make a difference.

But, my life seems so much different than those dreams. The only thing that has come true is that I am married to the man my heart has longed for.. and for that, I am eternally grateful.

.... there was a time when I didn't even have THAT dream. I told God I would never date again. I told Him I was done with guys, with wasting my time with these 'men' who would only lie and lead me down a path of more uncertainty...

so look, sometimes I am glad my dreams don't come true.. :)

BUT, I really had hoped I would be knee deep in serving Him by now. I don't really know where this is headed.. I just know, I really need to get back on track. I need my heart to be solely centered on Christ. I need to be reminded of His sacrifice. Of His love. Of His GRACE.

OH, His GRACE! Oh, how I am needing it these days. and how I am needing to GIVE it these days. I am grateful for that unending grace and mercy....

so, here's to that. Here's to knowing the Love that is grater that LIFE because HE IS LIFE.

well, it's been a while, hasn't it?

jumping pictures are still cool in our book. Look at my man's jump! he has had too much practice...

It's Friday :)
I am very very grateful for that. Today, I am very very sick.. had to take a sick day, which I rarely do. Thankful for a boss who understand when I feel like I have been run over by a truck and feel like death.

OKAY, moving on..

The above picture is from our vacation over 2 months ago! I haven't even had a moment to edit them and wanted to do so before posting them up for us. So, I am taking full advantage of this sick day and doing just that! Those pictures were taken the morning of our FIRST anniversary at sunrise :) 

Not much to report here on my end. Life has been... rough. SO many things going on from: disappointment in not getting the house we put an offer on, to some family things and being sick.. life is hard. But, I am learning to be grateful for these things even though they are tough. Some people don't have many many things that I have and often complain about... trying to change my perspective.. I am not sure if this is even making sense, but it will do for now. 

Hoping to be able to post our vacation pics (or some of them) later today or even this weekend. I hope I will be able to push life aside to update this thing because, after all, I started it as a way to connect with my family and to be able to look back on our memories in a tangible way...

Hope everyone is doing so well :)

happiness in sadness?

Today is just sad.

I am just so so sad. How can someone be pregnant with a baby and then it is lost in an instant?

How can someone go into a movie theatre on a shooting rampage?

How do people think it is okay to make people feel like junk?

and yet...

good things happen too. Things happen that remove those thoughts from our minds. But, I don't think it should be that way. 

I don't think we should dwell on the sadness in our lives, but I think it should be remembered. We should remember the things that we have gone through to allow us to find happiness and to truly be grateful.

Today, I am so very sad for a dear friend of mine and her hubby. The excitement of a new life forming in her and what their future holds have been crushed today. My heart is ripping open for them. I won't go into details more than this... but I cannot fathom that feeling. Personally. having a baby scares the life out of me... and yet, something in me knows I could do it. Knows I could handle it and KNOWS I would love it.

But, I am also realizing the reality that miscarriage brings. I am realizing that these things just happen... and it seems to be happening more and more these days.


WHY?

How do people who are so irresponsible (I could go on here.. but I won't) end up with 349389278948 kids, and a good sweet LOVING responsible married couple cannot carry a baby?

My heart is breaking for them. Please join me in prayer for them, would you?

too many thoughts but not enough to go on.

last saturday morning. lovely morning hair. had to share!

Thoughts today have included:

+ I must be grateful for the things in my life right now. If I can't be thankful for the little things, then how can I be thankful for the big things?

+ I am pretty glad I have the boss I have. He is letting me go home early today. How. Awesome.

+ I should probably buy some groceries. Oh well... it can wait until tomorrow.

+ HOLY COW. Tomorrow is Friday. WOO!!

+ Speaking of Friday, I will get to see my long lost friend tomorrow :) YAY!

+ It's pretty hot in my office right now. What happened to the lovely temps we were having?!

+ School counseling sounds amazing. Summers off? what!?

+ Should Aaron and I buy a house? Should we buy this house we ADORE!? Or, should we buy a house we can fix up!? OR should we just put all our money to our student loans and never have a house? :/

+ I need my hair trimmed and thinned out. Lookin' like a hot. mess. these days!

+ I am hungry. How did we not have ANY pasta in the house today!?

+ We need to exercise more, like, FOR REAL.

+ UGH. these stupid wisdom teeth. I wish they fell out like our baby teeth did. Though, that freaked me out when that happened!  Any one else?

+Social media and I are back and forth.

+ I have been wanting to change the name of this blog for a while. I think you all will hate the name, but... there are like tonssss of blogs called FROM THE INSIDE OUT.. which sucks.

+ I am far too addicted to mountain dew.. or candy.. and ice cream.. hence, the working out is NEEDED.

+ I AM READY FOR FALL

+ Watching HGTV today and being completely disgusted and people complaining about perfectly beautiful homes.

+ I am a horrible person and need to work on that.

Thus concludes the randoms of today! :)

friday's letters

Source: sunnysblog.typepad.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Good morning :) It's a little dreary out, but I am glad.. because... IT'S FRIDAY!! woo!!

and now, for some lovely letters on a Friday...

Dear life: you are getting ridiculous. How can something go wrong over and over and then it work out? Please, just let me know what's coming so I can be prepared. and yes, I know I am asking too much..

Dear work: I am working on being grateful for having you and for realizing what a blessing you are. Thank you that you provide me money and experience..

Dear school debt: you suck. but, listen, we are slowly but surely conquering you so... take that!

Dear summer: sooner or later you are going to be leaving. I know, I know. you are pretty sad about it... but come on. You were really hot and almost unbearable. I can't believe I am about to say this, but... I am glad it has been raining a little. Sorry...

DEAR FALL: I AM GLAD YOU WILL BE COMING SOON!!

Dear contentment: please come any time now :)

Dear house we wanted that is back on the market: quit playing games with our hearts. 

Dear bed: I am sorry I ever left you...

Dear husband: ah! I just can't express how awesome you are. Thanks for being you! i love you :)

Dear body: you can quit hurting any time now... 

Dear blog: you have 50 followers now! that is such a milestone and you should be proud of yourself. Who thought we would have ever had 1 follower? woo!!!

Dear weekend: prepare for me to try not to let you leave like you did on Monday. Let's make a pact to never let Monday get between us again.

Oh, by the way, work: you can go by really fast today, please and thank you :)

Dear self: whew! This week and taken it's toll at times. Just remember that you have one life to live and keep things in perspective. 

Dear YOU: Have a lovely weekend :)