those days.. a rambling of sorts.

you know those days? Those days.

Ugh, they are the worst.
I feel like I have been having "one of those days" for a few weeks.
I can't pinpoint what causes this, or what I can do to help it... I just know...
I am having them.

Last week was a string of  "those days". Each day had something worse than the day before it. Or it just sort of piled on top of it and just made for a worse day each day. Either way, it was a little miserable. I didn't have to go through any deaths or anything horrific, per say. It was just one thing after another.

This Monday was the build-up of that entire week. It was one of those days where you go to type and do some work and each letter you type is the wrong letter, and when you go back to try to fix it, you almost keep typing the same letter as before until you begin banging on each individual key on the keyboard as you type before you think about throwing your computer against the wall in your office and quit.

Monday was horrible. No doubt about it.

Yesterday wasn't too bad, but it wasn't too good either. I did enjoy time with a friend and that made yesterday turn out okay.

Today hasn't been particularly bad. But it hasn't been particularly great either.
It's pouring outside. I am blessed to be inside, in shelter, away from the blistering cold of the rain drops that are pouring themselves all over the place.
I have my heater on under my desk and I am content with that.

But then... then something comes in and tries to steal that "contentment" (if you can even call it that). Whether it's work piling up, or having an error you made out of ignorance in the issue sort of blow up in your face and leaving you feeling completely underqualified and as if you SHOULD just up and quit and leave and never come back.

That's where I'm at right now. I have decided to take a short break, and that is nice. But, I need to go out into the world. I need to take my dog out in that pouring rain. I need to move and be and DO. But, I don't want to.

I simply want to go home. I want to sit at home in the comfort of my sweatpants and my husband's sweatshirt I wear every day after work. I want to just sit and BE. But.. I can't. 


and that? That sort of sucks.

But, I will try to remember: I am blessed. I have a job. I have a car. I have friends. I have a husband. I have a home. Maybe all of these things (other than my husband! haha) aren't exactly what I want.. but they are something that many don't have and would die for.

so, yes. I have been having those days piled upon more of those days.. but I am blessed.

Trying to soak that in.

HOME

                                                                                              Source: brightnest.com via Joanna on Pinterest

Well, SURPRISE!!

Aaron and I didn't get either house we had an offer on.

See, both were "short sales". I didn't know they were going into putting a offer on either of them, but alas.... they both were. Basically, I don't understand all of the details but, I know it takes FOREVER. We put in an offer on the first house and it took a month and a half to hear back from the bank (which owned the house). ugh. And the second house didn't take as long, but roughly 3 weeks to a month.

The suckiest part of it all is... I think deep down, I really thought ONE of them had to work out. I mean, come on. The odds had to be in our favor, right? How many houses have we put an offer in on and another buying outbid us, or an owner was a grotchety grouch and wouldn't go below asking price? WE HAD TO GET ONE OF THEM.

But, here I sit, telling you... we didn't get either of them.

I was pretty upset at first. I went to my realtor.com app on my phone and looked at house (like I do all day every day....) and I saw BOTH houses weren't considered "active" anymore. So... I got really anxious and sweaty and upset. Then, I had an AMAZING night's rest. It was the strangest thing.

Aaron talked to our realtor the next afternoon and I tried to prepare my heart and acknowledge God's blessing for us in allowing us to live at our current apartment for as long as we wanted for our dirt cheap price of rent... but, it didn't work. I was angry.

Then, Aaron told me our realtor didn't even KNOW someone else got the bid. That makes no sense to me... So I became angrier by the minute. I was angry at the other realtors who never told our realtor that we didn't get the bid. I was angry at myself for allowing my hopes to get up for the billionth time. I was angry at both of us that we didn't just pull our offers out in the first place to avoid the angst we now felt.

AND THEN... there are these other houses around here that are cute charmers and have great potential, so I stalk them like a crazy person for the last 3 days. Driving by them, looking at them endlessly on my app.. and then. I just felt like I needed to stop. I had to sit there and assess the situation. I HAD to talk to Aaron about it.

So, we came to a decision.... God provides for us ALWAYS. He is Jehovah Jireh. He gave a chance to live in our current apartment for longer. Whereas it isn't ideal... it's something. And, seriously... it means I can have HUGE, REAL Christmas trees at Christmas still. And, maybe walking up those stairs day in and day out will give me some much needed exercise for a little longer.

Also? I am totally going to be painting more in that place. Maybe that will help :)

Happy Friday!

the way things play out

                                                                                    Source: laceninja.tumblr.com via Joanna on Pinterest

This weekend was INSANE.

and by insane I mean....
Aaron and I, 18 teens, ALL NIGHT, no sleep, locked INSIDE, ALL NIGHT.

We had a youth overnight with our youth group that Aaron is the youth pastor of. WHEW! I tell you what, I am definitely feeling O L D. but, more on that later....


So, also on Friday, Aaron called the co-executor of our landlord's estate. He asked when they would be appraising Mr. Will's (our landlord who passed away) house because we knew they wanted us out by then... The CO-ex. said that they actually already had it appraised and that they already had someone put in an offer. A CASH OFFER. FOR $137,000. IN CASH. what the heck.

He also said that the people who put in the offer were okay with us being in our apartment and that they were in no rush to kick us out.

SWEET. This means we don't need to be out by the end of April.. BUT, in our minds, if they took over the house, it was "their rules" now and we are pretty sure they would charge WAAAYYY more than we are currently paying for rent.

so, that ISN'T so sweet, but still SWEEEEET.

Well..... yesterday, Aaron went to drop off the rent. On his way back he was stopped by our neighbors. By the way, our neighbors... sort of crazy? We have the Catholic church to our right, and these other crazies to our left. They have two CRAZY dogs that bark like crazy and.. it's just C R A Z Y. Anyhow, Aaron was stopped by them and they were asking how our house-hunting was going. Aaron responded with what has been going on... YADA YADA YADA.

All to say, OUR CRAZY NEIGHBORS ARE THE ONES WHO PUT THE CASH OFFER FOR THE FULL APPRAISAL OF OUR LANDLORD'S HOUSE.

what in the world.

also? They said we can stay as long as we need... forever even. Aaron asked how much they would charge for rent then... they said, NOTHING WOULD CHANGE. We would still be paying our price we pay now.

how awesome. SERIOUSLY. how AWESOME!!

so, if neither of the two houses we have offers on come through.... we have somewhere to stay.

and that, my friends, is how God answers prayer.

on good intentions and motivation

via


Good intentions. Seriously, I have them! I really do.

But, lesbihonest... if given the choice between a pizza and netflix night, and running.. I would choose the former.

also? When the choice of "my bed" is put up against... well, any other choice, I will always choose MY BED. We got a good thing going, people.

So... that's where all of my good intentions go. To bed, with me.. when I sleep, happy.

Basically, I am lacking motivation. I have a pinterest board that is supposed to be there to inspire me and give me really awesome workouts that will change my liiiifeeeeee..... but, I don't look at them. OR! I look at them while I am stuffing my face with chocolate.

Do any of you have any advice for me? I have great intentions to get up in the morning and DO something other than get ready for work, but.. alas, my bed always always ALWAYS wins.

as it is

                                                                                           Source: tunewiki.com via Joanna on Pinterest

**above: Aaron and I got to go to this lovely church on Sunday instead of the usual church the in-laws go to. I LOVED IT! I craved the worship there like nothing other. It was amazing. They song the song above. AH! So good!!


 

Got this lovely idea from Miss Julie over at An Anchor for The Soul. 

 
Enjoying: THE WEATHER :) It has been so lovely seeing the SUN out. Thing I have not been enjoying? I am sick.. have been since Friday (when I had a DAY off!!!) 


Praying about: Hmm.. prayer. I have been praying a LOT about a LOT of things. Things for my closest friends, to our house situation, to my family and things of that sort. I have also REALLY been praying for God to transform my perspective and be with me all day long at work, guiding every step.


Snacking on: at this moment? A Sunbelt Bakery Oats & Honey granola bar, and coffee :) 

 
Debating: I have been debating whether I should pack a lot more, or if I should just leave it until we HAVE to move. It's hard to decide when you don't even know where you will be going. 


Reading: For months I have been reading Ellen's book, "Seriously... I'm kidding". I wish I had more time to read, or rather, that I made more time to read. I have also been debating weather I should start "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers again. OH SUCH A GREAT BOOK!
 
Grateful for: I am so grateful for a job! At first it was hard adjusting to a new job: all the newness of new coworkers, new responsibility, new people to work for... all of it. And I wasn't being too grateful the whole time while making the adjustment. But, as I sit here, I am beyond grateful for a job. In this day and age (at least around here) it's a great thing if you have a job! I am also grateful to God for all the help He has been giving me these past few months. 
 
Thinking about: what it would be like to move to our OWN place :) AH! It would be bliss. Well... I know it would be tough at times, but it would be OURS. 
 
Listening to: you guyssssss. I love me some JT. So, today I turned on my Justin Timberlake station on Pandora. So, technically, what I have been listening to is PANDORA. All day, every day. Gets me through my worrrrrk. I have also been listening to a good dose of "positive self-talk" in my head. Yeah, it's been good. 


Watching: uh, what DON'T I watch? Oh yeah, Duck Dynasty. I have been watching: Grey's Anatomy on Netflix, The Walking Dead, Revenge (LURRVEEEE!!), I tried watching Catfish on MTV the other day because Michelle always raves about it on her bloggy blog. Well, I turned it on, and I sat there, watching.. thinking.. "This seems an AWFUL lot like The Real World."... I tweeted Michelle and lo and behold.. MTV had LIED to me. It was indeed THE REAL WORLD in San Diego or something. So, next time, Catfish, next time. 
 

Feeling: I have been feeling pretty run down. Also? Sad. But also, also... I have been feeling like I want to go on vacation, or SOMETHING. I NEED THE SUN, PEOPLE. I need the beach, I need the relaxed lifestyle for a week. I NEED IT. 



How about you?? :)  


 

where you're supposed to be

                                                                                          Source: 25.media.tumblr.com via Joanna on Pinterest

where you are supposed to be...

this is pretty hard to accept sometimes. we always want MORE. More money, more food, more clothes, more HOUSE, more SOMETHING.

unless it's more school loan debt, or more problems.. then yeah, I really don't want more of that. 

but seriously. perspective. that's something I have really been trying to work on lately. it's definitely a daily battle of my mind. "i hate this weather." "i love this weather."  "i want a HOUSEEEEE." "i am okay waiting, God, if that's what you want." and so it goes...

it's funny how that works though. sometimes, okay, a LOT of the time, when we get what we want... time goes by and soon enough, we want more. sometimes i step back and think about the things I used to want. or sometimes I look around me and think about the things i am complaining about and realize.... these same 'problems' right now are things i wanted a year ago, or are the same things someone would kill for right now. BE CONTENT.

but, can I be honest here?

It's dang hard to be content.

it's hard because I start letting those things that shouldn't rule my heart, sit on the throne of my heart for far too long and have food delivered there and camp out there for monthssssssssss on end.

I really need to get that under control. It's funny. At the beginning of this year I chose a word to keep in mind for the year and focus on it:

SURRENDER.

maybe it's not funny, but it is to me. It's funny how those things I yearn to work on and get better at with God are those SAME THINGS that get harder. He always does that, doesn't He? My friend is currently working on leaping out in faith and doing things in faith. God just keeps throwing these curves, but she keeps trucking on....   It's hard, but it is so worth it.

I don't know what will happen this time next month. I don't know where we will be living. Currently, we have two offers on two houses in town. We have to wait for the bank to accept an offer.... which, on one of the houses, our offer has been in for close to 2 months. the bank got back to us last week and we sent back our "final offer" to them again. hoping, no, PRAYING, they would cave and accept our offer.  we will see... only time will tell. but seriously, I have to be honest... I am not believing that we are exactly where we are supposed to be right now...

the boxes strewn across the apartment are mirror images of my heart and mind as of late: utter shambles. Tiny boxes full of hope and yet, nowhere to put them out upon. No where to place these hopes upon.

it's funny to me how life plays out and how God likes to "come to my rescue" at the last second. It's seriously my life. I need to get used to it eventually. i need to start believing He will come through for us. and I need to understand that, chances are, it will be at the very last moment when we need him to make a clutch shot and win the game, that He will do so AND THEN SOME.

okay, God... we are ready for the clutch shot to be made :)

wide-eyed emoji.

Source: someecards.com via Joanna on Pinterest

well, well, well... LIFE. *huge sigh*

Life is.. insane. Especially right now. I can't even begin to get into all of the intricacies that have been creating this uneasiness about life.. but, boy oh BOY, life can just calm the heck down anytime now, mmkay??

1. Our landlord passed away at the beginning of January. It was so very sad. He passed away very peacefully, but still.. so very sad. We would walk by his florida room and usually look in expecting to see him for WEEKS. Even this evening I walked by and looked in and.... alas, Mr. Will is no longer there, joanna.  So. VERY. SAD. So.. this leads us to.....

2. We need to find somewhere to live. Ideally, a HOME of our VERY OWN. That's right people. We are still looking for the house we will buy. We have put offers on houses, and they have all fallen through for some reason. Mind you, we have been doing this since November 2011. 2 0 1 1 P E O P L E. so.. with that sad, this is just getting old. way old. I know, I KNOW.. I need to have patience, I need to trust God. Well, guess what? I need to do a lot of things, and if you know me, I am stubborn as all get out and.. well, that just doesn't happen. Which is horrible because I once heard this, "patience isn't about waiting, it's about what do you while you are waiting" or something like that. I am not too good at doing things like: trusting, being calm, being rational, etc. when I am waiting... so that sucks. Okay, back to the point... We are working on trying to get a house currently. Praying and praying and hoping and pinning away on pinterest and trying our hardest to NOT get our hopes up... but there they are, staring us straight in our faces all day long. our stupid hopes. so.. there's that.

3. I started a new job on the 11th. It has been quite the adjustment. I am grateful for this opportunity and the chance to learn new things is always exciting to me. But, with many things going on in my family and personally, it has been a rough adjustment. I miss my old boss and co-workers. I somehow MISS PAYING BILLS as a job. (what?!) I just miss the relationships I built there and the truth is, I was pretty darn great at that job! It's hard to leave that for a job that I literally feel like I am just pretending to know what I am doing all day long. Trusting God is hard, especially when you are me... or A HUMAN. All of this to say, I have learned that I do not like change. I thought I did. I thought I was spontaneous and adventurous. And, to an extent, I am... I really am. But, I love consistency for the most part. I love when plans come together and I adore follow-through. I love it. So, this has been the biggest adjustment of them all! But, regardless of that.. I am seeing God's purpose for this season of change. I have had the blessing of being able to bless other people through prayer and in helping them. It has been great in that regard! So, hopefully one day I will learn the job better, and be confident!

4. Back to #2... our apartment consistently seems to be in disarray. From boxes I have been hoarding from my previous job and a friend who recently moved, to the fact that I have all these decorations and such, but, why even bother putting it up since we need to be out by.. oh, APRIL!!!  so.. that's hard.

5. WE FINALLY GOT NEW PHONES AND THAT IS A BIG FREAKING DEAL. iPhones, y'all. I am in love! (if this were the iPhone I would do the emoji with the hearts as eyes ;) ) 

I promise I am not complaining, I promise I am not! Merely letting it all out on my little place here in the internetz. Oh, and let's give a shout out to all the cute little ladies I know who have had babies! Seriously, I think 5 within a month had a baby, and a few more having babies in the next coming months. BABY FEVER, PEOPLE. it's real.

Oh, back to the point of this, but seriously... I would love to get paid to eat and sleep all day. Wouldn't you?? :)