Somewhere along the lines of this life I have I lost it. I lost that love... that deep deep unending desire for Him. Don't get me wrong.. it's there. It burns in me deeply.. but mostly I suppress it with feelings of worry or anxiety, doubt, pressure to be one way, fear, thoughts, seeking perfection.. the list could go on and on.
Why do I do that? Why do WE do that? I feel like I am not alone in this. This truly is a fight.. a daily battle if you will. If you are a believer in Jesus Christ you are in this fight too... if you don't realize it yet, then you will experience it.. trust me. But, if we fight through it, if we let our thoughts and lips and hearts and lives praise HIM, it's SO SO worth it.
Years ago I dreamed of what my life would like like later on down the road. I had hoped to move from Ohio to somewhere out west.. I also dreamed of moving to the east coast, North Carolina to be more exact. I dreamed of serving God, being married, having the time of my life. But, really, those dreams just included a lot of me me me me, and not a whole lot of GOD.
I also had dreams to serve Him with an unwavering faith. I had dreams of traveling across the world, wherever He would lead me to serve those people and show them Him.
I had dreams that I would minister within a church through some sort of ministry, mainly focused on broken families dealing with addictions, etc. I dreamed I would make a difference.
But, my life seems so much different than those dreams. The only thing that has come true is that I am married to the man my heart has longed for.. and for that, I am eternally grateful.
.... there was a time when I didn't even have THAT dream. I told God I would never date again. I told Him I was done with guys, with wasting my time with these 'men' who would only lie and lead me down a path of more uncertainty...
so look, sometimes I am glad my dreams don't come true.. :)
BUT, I really had hoped I would be knee deep in serving Him by now. I don't really know where this is headed.. I just know, I really need to get back on track. I need my heart to be solely centered on Christ. I need to be reminded of His sacrifice. Of His love. Of His GRACE.
OH, His GRACE! Oh, how I am needing it these days. and how I am needing to GIVE it these days. I am grateful for that unending grace and mercy....
so, here's to that. Here's to knowing the Love that is grater that LIFE because HE IS LIFE.