where you're supposed to be

                                                                                          Source: 25.media.tumblr.com via Joanna on Pinterest

where you are supposed to be...

this is pretty hard to accept sometimes. we always want MORE. More money, more food, more clothes, more HOUSE, more SOMETHING.

unless it's more school loan debt, or more problems.. then yeah, I really don't want more of that. 

but seriously. perspective. that's something I have really been trying to work on lately. it's definitely a daily battle of my mind. "i hate this weather." "i love this weather."  "i want a HOUSEEEEE." "i am okay waiting, God, if that's what you want." and so it goes...

it's funny how that works though. sometimes, okay, a LOT of the time, when we get what we want... time goes by and soon enough, we want more. sometimes i step back and think about the things I used to want. or sometimes I look around me and think about the things i am complaining about and realize.... these same 'problems' right now are things i wanted a year ago, or are the same things someone would kill for right now. BE CONTENT.

but, can I be honest here?

It's dang hard to be content.

it's hard because I start letting those things that shouldn't rule my heart, sit on the throne of my heart for far too long and have food delivered there and camp out there for monthssssssssss on end.

I really need to get that under control. It's funny. At the beginning of this year I chose a word to keep in mind for the year and focus on it:

SURRENDER.

maybe it's not funny, but it is to me. It's funny how those things I yearn to work on and get better at with God are those SAME THINGS that get harder. He always does that, doesn't He? My friend is currently working on leaping out in faith and doing things in faith. God just keeps throwing these curves, but she keeps trucking on....   It's hard, but it is so worth it.

I don't know what will happen this time next month. I don't know where we will be living. Currently, we have two offers on two houses in town. We have to wait for the bank to accept an offer.... which, on one of the houses, our offer has been in for close to 2 months. the bank got back to us last week and we sent back our "final offer" to them again. hoping, no, PRAYING, they would cave and accept our offer.  we will see... only time will tell. but seriously, I have to be honest... I am not believing that we are exactly where we are supposed to be right now...

the boxes strewn across the apartment are mirror images of my heart and mind as of late: utter shambles. Tiny boxes full of hope and yet, nowhere to put them out upon. No where to place these hopes upon.

it's funny to me how life plays out and how God likes to "come to my rescue" at the last second. It's seriously my life. I need to get used to it eventually. i need to start believing He will come through for us. and I need to understand that, chances are, it will be at the very last moment when we need him to make a clutch shot and win the game, that He will do so AND THEN SOME.

okay, God... we are ready for the clutch shot to be made :)

wide-eyed emoji.

Source: someecards.com via Joanna on Pinterest

well, well, well... LIFE. *huge sigh*

Life is.. insane. Especially right now. I can't even begin to get into all of the intricacies that have been creating this uneasiness about life.. but, boy oh BOY, life can just calm the heck down anytime now, mmkay??

1. Our landlord passed away at the beginning of January. It was so very sad. He passed away very peacefully, but still.. so very sad. We would walk by his florida room and usually look in expecting to see him for WEEKS. Even this evening I walked by and looked in and.... alas, Mr. Will is no longer there, joanna.  So. VERY. SAD. So.. this leads us to.....

2. We need to find somewhere to live. Ideally, a HOME of our VERY OWN. That's right people. We are still looking for the house we will buy. We have put offers on houses, and they have all fallen through for some reason. Mind you, we have been doing this since November 2011. 2 0 1 1 P E O P L E. so.. with that sad, this is just getting old. way old. I know, I KNOW.. I need to have patience, I need to trust God. Well, guess what? I need to do a lot of things, and if you know me, I am stubborn as all get out and.. well, that just doesn't happen. Which is horrible because I once heard this, "patience isn't about waiting, it's about what do you while you are waiting" or something like that. I am not too good at doing things like: trusting, being calm, being rational, etc. when I am waiting... so that sucks. Okay, back to the point... We are working on trying to get a house currently. Praying and praying and hoping and pinning away on pinterest and trying our hardest to NOT get our hopes up... but there they are, staring us straight in our faces all day long. our stupid hopes. so.. there's that.

3. I started a new job on the 11th. It has been quite the adjustment. I am grateful for this opportunity and the chance to learn new things is always exciting to me. But, with many things going on in my family and personally, it has been a rough adjustment. I miss my old boss and co-workers. I somehow MISS PAYING BILLS as a job. (what?!) I just miss the relationships I built there and the truth is, I was pretty darn great at that job! It's hard to leave that for a job that I literally feel like I am just pretending to know what I am doing all day long. Trusting God is hard, especially when you are me... or A HUMAN. All of this to say, I have learned that I do not like change. I thought I did. I thought I was spontaneous and adventurous. And, to an extent, I am... I really am. But, I love consistency for the most part. I love when plans come together and I adore follow-through. I love it. So, this has been the biggest adjustment of them all! But, regardless of that.. I am seeing God's purpose for this season of change. I have had the blessing of being able to bless other people through prayer and in helping them. It has been great in that regard! So, hopefully one day I will learn the job better, and be confident!

4. Back to #2... our apartment consistently seems to be in disarray. From boxes I have been hoarding from my previous job and a friend who recently moved, to the fact that I have all these decorations and such, but, why even bother putting it up since we need to be out by.. oh, APRIL!!!  so.. that's hard.

5. WE FINALLY GOT NEW PHONES AND THAT IS A BIG FREAKING DEAL. iPhones, y'all. I am in love! (if this were the iPhone I would do the emoji with the hearts as eyes ;) ) 

I promise I am not complaining, I promise I am not! Merely letting it all out on my little place here in the internetz. Oh, and let's give a shout out to all the cute little ladies I know who have had babies! Seriously, I think 5 within a month had a baby, and a few more having babies in the next coming months. BABY FEVER, PEOPLE. it's real.

Oh, back to the point of this, but seriously... I would love to get paid to eat and sleep all day. Wouldn't you?? :)