Sometimes I doubt things. I doubt my family caring, I doubt myself being able to do anything, I doubt God really wanted me to pursue something that I had, I doubt doubt doubt... worry worry worry. But why? God promises us so many things.. how can't his promises be enough for us?
A big worry of mine for probably a year now has been, "What does God have planned for my furture 'career'?" I struggle with this a lot because I think that somewhere, deep down inside of me, I have this need to do everything right. I am just made that way... Being the first born of a very dysfunctional family does that to you! haha But I just really struggle with that. I want God to be pleased with me, and I also want to be pleased in what I am doing... so, I sit. I wait. I think. I pray. and I just wait some more... It's so frustrating to know that you are capable of doing something, or many things, but not know what God has planned for you.
Another worry as of lately is the decision Aaron and I are trying to make in buying a house or wait.. blah blah blah. It's definitely an every day thought process with trying to decide. We pray and we pray... and we still don't feel a nudging in either direction. More recently I have been so eager to buy a house and look and just have fun with it.. and Aaron hasn't. It's really bothered me because I feel like we are just at a standstill with the situation. Houses are lowering within our price range, and we keep seeking Him on the matter.. but nothing yet.
I also doubt myself and who God created me. But, how ridiculous is that!!!!!! We are a masterpiece created by God.. He loves us so much! And when we doubt ourselves, we hate how we were made, etc. we are truly picking apart a masterpiece that God created and loves.
So... here I sit this week, still struggling with these worries, these doubts, what have you... and I have come to no real conclusion on any of them (and there are SO many more than listed here). It really sucks when you want things so bad and you work on trying to make them happen and nothing really comes into fruition.
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
This verse has really helped me today just to remember that God has plans for me, as He does for you too. I don't know what they are, and I am not going to pretend that part makes me happy, but I must learn to be content with that fact that His ways are NOT my ways, so His plans may not be MY plans.
Some other verses that I was reading last night as I was really struggling with my attitude and frustrations are here. I hope they give you comfort with things you may be mulling over that you should really just hand over to God...
"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Luke 12:25 (NIV)
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 (NIV)
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27 (NIV)