comparing

sometimes I run out of things to write about because sometimes my brain just doesn't want to work. I think, "what is something I thought about today or wanted to share?" and... n o t h i n g.

well, that's just pathetic.

so, here's something. Just now I was perusing some bloggy goodness on a few blogs I fancy and I started looking at these gorgeous gals and began COMPARING myself to them. Why don't I live somewhere awesome? Why doesn't my apartment look that cute? I wonder if I could pull that outfit/haircut/lipstick blaaahhh off?

wow. I sound pathetic, don't I? But, let's be real. We all do it. Even guys, though, I am doubting any guy is reading my blog right now. Heck, I even get surprised I have some follows over on my sidebar! (there I go... comparing, belittling, etc.)

A while back I mentioned a devotional I was working on. Well, yet again, another example of sucking and not comparing well to others. I used to be able to spend the undivided time with God and reading His Word and just really trying to relish in Him and the things He has done for me.... but now? Now, I can't even seem to muster up time with Him at the end of my day. My leftovers for the day aren't even good enough left overs. They are more just like... poop. And sometimes, I don't even offer Him that.

I don't really know what I am getting at here but that... maybe, just maybe, I need to acknowledge that we all have our little quirks, insecurities and even the different things we are good at for a reason and I just really really REALLY need to start accepting those things about myself.

Yeah, I don't really keep up with the laundry, dishes, stupid spanish homework, dusting, etc.... and yeah, that's probably really bad. But... it's also okay because, that's where I am right now. That's the point I am at. The state of my house, my work place, my lists, my brain is a direct response to how my spiritual and mental life is currently.

Currently? Well, currently I just think these toxic thoughts. I just found out these are toxic and not just normal things or normal OKAY things, but TOXIC. I think, "oh well... maybe this person is ignoring me today. Oh, that's just flipping awesome. Maybe I just suck." Or,  "I bet Aaron just hates being married to me because I am insane and I don't take care of our house or anything really and we probably don't have anything in common and i just suckkkk." Ya know, the norm. But, these things, this comparing I do (and maybe you do) isn't good. It isn't something we should be putting into our minds.

Yes, these thoughts will come, it happens. But, it's what we do with these thoughts once they come.

Somehow, I need to get to the point where I don't think on them more than the second they pop into my head. I hope that I can live my thought life like this: 

 Philippians 4:8-9

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹ Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."